Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML
Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML
Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML
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Top comments
illegalbeagle69 23
At least you could wash it off, he's stuck with it in his hand.
ElricMustang 23
That's so disgusting. I hope he gets into a lot of shit for doing that.
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Comments (108)
rick_maahea 12
I have been a correctional officer for a long time, so I feel your pain. As seg sucks, but it's better than GP
graceinsheepwear 34
What does his weight have to do with it?
darryaz 9
I can only imagine the things you put up with doing a NECESSARY job. A relative of mine was in jail a few years ago and I visited frequently. The detention officers I had contact with were always polite, helpful and respectful toward me. NONE of you deserve to be treated in such a way.
dammityou 10
you gon eat yo cornbread
worldclassrager 41
That's one serious form of anger...that desperate...
Wump 14
Sounds like you had a pretty shitty day
ScruffyFML 10
What's he in for? Cannibalism?
buckdharma 38
Let me get this straight. Some irate, overweight inmate, Had to defecate, wait, elongate and actuate? This hostile infantile hurled his vile projectile? If I may, find another way to get your pay. Or you'll find the same shit, different day.
UmmOkThen 31
Being a prison guard would have to be one of the worst jobs ever.
Wyaru 9
It sounds like he works at a zoo with gorillas