Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML
Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML
Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML
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Top comments
illegalbeagle69 23
At least you could wash it off, he's stuck with it in his hand.
ElricMustang 23
That's so disgusting. I hope he gets into a lot of shit for doing that.
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Comments (108)
hgmegafan 10
He threw his poop for you (I threw my pie for you OITNB)
rocker_chick23 27
Get tested for Hepatitis C immediately. My friends uncle is a retired prison guard and contracted Hepatitis C after being smeared in the face with feces while trying to restrain an inmate.
ladoom 23
Hep E is more common with the fecal-oral route
mete_orito 34
Or Hepatitis A, C usually is in blood transfusions.
alex101676 8
while working at a mental hospital. I had one guy smear crap all over the walls off his room and himself. he also was trying to hurt himself and we had to restrain him and carry him out his room.
katties 27
I was once visiting an institution that was previously used for really crazy people. The people that were working with them told that some of them rolled in their own fecies, some tried to drown themselves in the toilet, so they had to be transferred to a room with only a hole for toilet, some used their fingers to scrape words into GLASS windows...!
shutupshane12 12
Sounds like a "shit"Ty day to me
izporter 3
Talk about a shitty day lmao
RokNRoll11 9
That's disgusting, but at least he didn't do worse
greencurtains74 11
a jail with bars? wow im surprised those still exist. most have upgraded to the solid door by now
elsuperloco68 12
fu k inmates some of society's lowest forms of life
RoseS1977 8
As a side note, it's a fact that chimps that fling poop are the smartest of the species. Sounds like a big chimp in a tiny cage getting his aggression out!
tobblepig 5
What a crappy situation, haha get It