Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML
Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML
Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML
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Top comments
illegalbeagle69 23
At least you could wash it off, he's stuck with it in his hand.
ElricMustang 23
That's so disgusting. I hope he gets into a lot of shit for doing that.
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Comments (108)
Marie314 17
This immediately made me think of a monkey at the zoo
toesparkle 13
I will never be upset enough to play in my own poop. I can barely handle the fact that it happens at all. Gross.
mkcherry 14
Shutting off their water so they have to live in their own waste seems fair. I'm 100% in favor of prison reform but some of the people there are purely garbage. Make sure you're tested and up to date on your shots!!
lina21 12
I worked with juvenile and adult offenders in an outpatient therapy center. Some of them left pee and poo on the floors and walls, and the therapists didn't feel like supervising their clients apparently. I was never sure if it was the teens or grown men
Kougeru 12
Someone's gotta take one for the team.
mysterymonsta 3
Get checked for hep c
middlenamefrank 8
They don't tell you to watch for that sort of thing? I'd have thought it would be just about the first thing they tell new hires.
Omniprism 15
Gross! Are there disciplinary actions inside your jail? I hope so.
hulopro 16
plot twist: you're in a zoo and the inmate is a gorilla.
CaPtIn08Vious54 7
Plot twist- the guy is a zookeeper and the inmate is a gorilla.