Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML
Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML
Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML
Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML
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Top comments
iLazy 0
Blame Mario for spreading the shroom trend
YayorNay 8
More like FYL, her books were trying to eat her face.
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Comments (197)
iLazy 0
Blame Mario for spreading the shroom trend
Mr_mur_der 0
Mario could handle the shrooms though.
wintamint101 7
hey... she could've died
M0rt 0
from one time? not likely
sandi315 0
since when do shrooms kill you? and shrooms can be really halucogenic so I can totally see this happening
humzizzl3 0
that *****, shrooms are fun
partyfool2011 4
I don't see what the problem is, I had shrooms and grew twice my normal size just like Mario.
The_Weirdo 10
Hey OP, your sister's name wouldn't happen to be peach, would it?
CianaBanana 2
.. shoulda stroked the books spine before opening it.. Hagrid is wise.
wintamint101 7
...i meant from the books eating her face
sleepydeath 4
just makes me want to try shrooms more
RetardedBullFrog 4
Shrooms have the same effect as to licking frogs. Please stop licking frogs . . .
TheCrazyAli28 1
I would love to do shrooms even more because of this fml.
livin_plur 0
34- um hello shrooms can kill you if you eat too many just like any other drug, I would know a few of my friends have o.d.'d on them, and it's not like a hallucinogen, it is a hallucinogen.
juicedboi 7
Wait till she eats some flowers and starts shooting fireballs. Then you're in for a real surprise!
lmfaoooooooooo 4
bad trip
xmayne 0
You can't OD on shrooms it's impossible.
Opium_Production 5
I've never done shrooms
MuffyStJacques 0
126- Probably thinking of acid. Even though I love psychedelics; yes, you can die if you ingest too many shrooms. it is a poison after all.
ryno101 3
books eating her face off? that's the least of your worries, run if she ever wants to go to candy mountain...
Mario5491 5
I did nothin wrong
TylerJester 0
munchin on shroommmmmmssssss
incrediblekarma 3
#126 I suggest you eat a dry ounce of shrooms, and test that theory.
leader0011 5
shroomz are a bitch
marinus_fml 20
How does this in anyway **** your life OP?
barnmaster98 5
sounds like a win to me...
YayorNay 8
More like FYL, her books were trying to eat her face.
YayorNay 8
FHL**
NomOnShroomz 14
That's nothing, when I take shrooms the air claws at my crotch.
wordnerd42 0
It's not like they could pull out guns or knives or anyt-HOLY SH-- -blackness-
theguy33 1
why would it be FHL she's the one thats taking the shrooms.
CryMoreFMLs 15
I do believe 35 just failed. Not entirely sure though, couldn't understand his comment.
wordnerd42 0
Clearly it was too obscure of a reference... Oh well, can't win them all.
himoonkey 8
35 killed it >:L
stacianichole 2
I'll confirm it. Fail.
j_cat187 20
it's impossible to describe tripping ballz it ***** with reality as well as making memories become reality... again it's indescribable and evryones different.
Klums02 0
Well if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Being on shrooms is an adventure...
wendyyyy 0
llamas ARE cool
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
are shrooms drugs?
NomOnShroomz 14
No they're very shy creatures living in the magical candy forrest of the south pole and they only come out one day of each year to harvest there money trees to crawl back in there fluffy seal fat nests at dawn... yes, shrooms are drugs, dumbfuck.
hisgirlherboy 5
156- ... i ******* love you!
Boygenius50 8
153 just failed hard xD
awardZu 0
156 is full of win!
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
well sorry I'm not educated in the druggy world, I didn't take "drugs 101" this semester.
partyfool2011 4
When in doubt, ask the urban dictionary.
cocobulla1 4
You don't need to take the "Drugs 101" class to know what shrooms are. I'm 13 and I know, please don't tell me you're innocent enough to NOT know. Goddammit.
sleazyjay 0
some people just can't handle their drugs bro. lesson learned I hope :)
MaskingTape 2
you should beat her face with books to make it more real for her.
iFizzgig 11
win
superpoptart 24
Hahahahahaha
ChefPhilly 13
Facebook
zukinihudini 0
stop whinning you're not the one had books trying to their face off
wordnerd42 0
I regret inform you that some words missing your statement.
ChickenInMyKitch 4
^i like that hahaha. clever
mariahjoomeh 0
Way to recover from a past comment, Word Nerd.
sammie91michelle 0
Im sorry to regret that you as well are missing three words in your statement you should have said" i regret TO inform you that some words ARE missing FROM your statement"
sammie91michelle 0
Im sorry to regret that you as well are missing three words in your statement you should have said" i regret TO inform you that some words ARE missing FROM your statement"
MadPercussion 0
78 - I regret to inform you that you ****** up.
worldcupcheer17 0
78- you're dumb, that was the whole point of the joke.
TheEmoSuperman 16
your a retard but I love the iron maiden album cover prof pic :)
fmlcomment 2
Wow, way to miss point.
skyeyez9 25
Did she have the man eating book from the harry potter movie, had teeth an eyes.
bringmepieskm 0
rawr!!!
michabailey 8
The Monstrous Book of Monsters?
kittykat1497 7
she should have stroked the book's spine before opening it... o_o
itsbritneybixchh 0
harry potter FTW
283leis 8
how is tht bad for you?!?! or were it your shrooms?
ohlordy101 0
her sisters getting arrested ? haha kinda bad for her