Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML
Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back where I work and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand, she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
"I shall call him 'Squishy', and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy. Come here Squishy! Come here, little Squishy!"
TxKitten79 10
I'm sorry OP, but I laughed. C'mon, it's funny.
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Comments (5)
BurnInDemonFire 39
"I shall call him 'Squishy', and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy. Come here Squishy! Come here, little Squishy!"
weaboo 12
Yeah well you’re not really going to explode
BurnInDemonFire 39
Someone's never heard of spontaneous combustion.
TxKitten79 10
I'm sorry OP, but I laughed. C'mon, it's funny.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Funnier if he giggled like Poppin' Fresh.