Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML
Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML
Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML
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Top comments
illegalbeagle69 23
At least you could wash it off, he's stuck with it in his hand.
ElricMustang 23
That's so disgusting. I hope he gets into a lot of shit for doing that.
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Comments (108)
weveallbeenthere 30
tell the other inmates he's a kiddie molester and let them take care of him.
raffcity 7
I thought law school sucked
connorcaffery 9
This sounds like a shitty situation.... Am I right?
wildsweetchild 19
Oh please! why? Why every time somebody says something about poop and issues with it this phrase comes along...every freaking time!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
When will people understand that this "pun" and variations thereof are simply NOT FUNNY?
cryssycakesx3 23
no... you're not right. #34, it doesn't even have to be about poop.
brandoneyez1 25
Could always throw it back..
russfml 31
He won't get more time he will get thrown in the "hole" and less likely to get early release or bail
kalbrek009 20
Does he think he's a monkey in a zoo..maybe he needs to be in an asylum.
hypernugget 5
OMFG xD am I the only one that finds this funny
chazzywazzy654 22
Your picture is just like perfect for that comment.
mete_orito 34
You are not the only one... :-D
nitrog100 21
You're lucky you didn't get hit with a cocktail. I'm not sure how common that actually is wherever it is that you work, but a cocktail is feces mixed with urine, blood, and semen. The checkup you have to get after one of those is a real pain...that is, on top of the experience of getting hit with one.
Uglyfeet 23
Good for OP that it was not a cocktaily situation, just a shitty one
brittney_taylor1 16
Couldn't you add "assult on a police officer" to his pending charges?
creneed 3
Not sure what State you are in, but in AZ it is a new assault on a peace officer, which can add as much as a 5 year consecutive sentence.
orbit 22
You sir, have a very shitty job. sorry for the over used pun
False_Stupidity 42
Sorry doesn't make it better, now go to your room!
cryssycakesx3 23
if you know it's so bad, just, why even...?