Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, I found out that my husband, who I've just separated from, and my mother, who I don't speak to because she's crazy, have been bitching about me behind my back. FML
Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend at her request, because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received four calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML
Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML
Today, my boyfriend just told me that his mom told him to break up with me, and that she would pay him to do it. His mom is a bitch. FML
Today, my mother called to uninvite me from Christmas, my ex-wife is going and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her. FML
Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML
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Top comments
LouisianaBob 9
You could kick your mom to the curb and not invite her over for holidays.
ters19 10
That seems like something my family would do
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Comments (193)
deviable 9
I see a cheerful family gathering in your future. And by cheerful I mean horrible.
ryuzakikiichiro 0
And by gathering you mean fist-fight, right?
deviable 9
And by future I mean he'll be dead.
deviable 9
And by future I mean he'll be dead.
idontknowyou123 0
Ok I am going to be serious here. Take your mother aside and say this to her 'That is my wife, the woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with. If you can't respect that then I can't allow you to visit anymore' or kick your wife's ass to the curb ya mommas boy.
PHSXCRunner 0
This is exactly what I would do...
jansdo 1
Right on. If mom can't respect you wife she should be out of your house. This you fault.
cinderella10383 6
So how it should be.. This woman is at the house where this man and his wife live if mom can't respect their house and them as people/couple she needs to GTFO. Son needs to buck up to mom and tell her how it is
perdix 31
I don't get it. Now that he has a great-paying job, he can afford to support her useless ass. Obviously, the wife's ass has some use to which the mom is not privy. It's when the OP was stuck in a low-paying shit job that he should have gotten rid of his lazy, parasitic slug of a wife.
alival 12
Y would u wanna spend the holidays like that? Make other plans like with ur wifes side of the family
kimmiekimmiekong 0
lol that sucks but straighten ur mom out and tell her to accept the fact that ur wife is who u want to be with and u won't stand for this type of behavior! grow a pair and stand up to ur mom, not to be a bitch!
Okayitwasme 0
I stay away from family, only tell them news over the phone, never visit for more than 1 hr. Go somewhere else for the holidays. That's what we do, we stay in a hotel and go SHOPPING! It's fun. No stress. Kids loved it!
seeinghourglass 0
You're a ******* giraffe!
Okayitwasme 0
Well I had a picture of me and my two dogs and I thought It didn't looks good as your picture so I switched it. My hubby took that picture of the giraffe I thought it was nice. Okay I will look for a better picture! I think I have a better one on my comp.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Kick your mom to the curb. Leave her out in the rain. Make her day horrible. (evil laugh)
Commander223 9
Your profile picture matched me when I read that.
leadman1989 16
In the blue corner we've got big momma bullet blows. And in the red corner we've got tiny wife twinkle toes LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!
deadman93 8
i put $20 on big momma
ikickgingers 15
I completely imaged Michael Buffer saying that. I am complete now, thanks.
nationalcrisis 8
Fist fight > completely ignoring and not willing to explain why.
chosha_fml 27
WHY do you have to spend the holidays together? Your mother was way out of line. A good way to say this would be to NOT spend the holidays together and to let her know it's YOUR decision, not your wife's.