Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, I found out that my husband, who I've just separated from, and my mother, who I don't speak to because she's crazy, have been bitching about me behind my back. FML
Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend at her request, because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received four calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML
Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML
Today, my boyfriend just told me that his mom told him to break up with me, and that she would pay him to do it. His mom is a bitch. FML
Today, my mother called to uninvite me from Christmas, my ex-wife is going and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her. FML
Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML
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Top comments
LouisianaBob 9
You could kick your mom to the curb and not invite her over for holidays.
ters19 10
That seems like something my family would do
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Comments (193)
belkinbra 12
Well were you going to? I would have.
lostintime94 5
Are you married?
cinderella10383 6
He obviously loves his wife, his mom needs to know her place. They likely have children and the wife is likely a stay at home mother who supported her husbands dreams so the mom has to go
2ndSucks 15
Family holidays are always the best.
KiddNYC1O 22
Agreed.
H00DN1663R 0
The holidays? It's october! What holidays?
ikickgingers 15
Thanksgiving - in November, that's next month... Christmas - in December, the month after... That's not enough time for cat fights to subside into eye rolls and nasty comments...
khat31 2
he didnt say they were spending the holidays together right now he might have meant christmas
_daniellesays_ 10
I'm oh-so-sure he means they planned on Trick-or-Treating together 13. duh!
mintcar 10
That's a terrible situation to be in. If I ever get married, I hope that my husband and my parents actually like each other.
NEEPLES 7
Clever comment in 3,2,1. No I got nothing.
Deadzombie 2
Good thing you went ahead and posted anyway.
lostintime94 5
Lol I agree...why post then?
deadman93 8
ditto Neeples i cant get a snappy comment either.....
dunicha 20
you really dont "have" to spend the holidays with her. i was never happier than when i realized that i didnt "have" to spend time with people i didnt like, or that were disrespectful to me or my partner, just because i was related to them.
YahImThatGuy 0
Yes, Someone else gets it! You don't HAVE to do much of anything in life. You simply have to make a choice based on priorities and which are top for you. Personally, wife comes first to me.
mismonroe 0
Classy! Did boxed wine fuel this fight?
tona01 16
No, not boxed wine, but boxed sangria, or cooking rum
bizarre_ftw 22
Holy Hell!! You'd have to be Dedicated to get drunk enough for a fist fight on Cooking alcohol!!!! That is some Disgusting shit!!!
False_Stupidity 42
I just use regular alcohol to cook with...
Karma_apoc 8
@13 Very OBVIOUSLY the holidays AFTER halloween like thanksgiving and christmas.
DrDilllonReese 12
Or kick both to the curb and be a bachelor.
thejedi08 10
yeah... his MOM'S useless ass!
brightstarwoman 3
Someone has mommy issues!