Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, I found out that my husband, who I've just separated from, and my mother, who I don't speak to because she's crazy, have been bitching about me behind my back. FML
Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend at her request, because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received four calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML
Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML
Today, my boyfriend just told me that his mom told him to break up with me, and that she would pay him to do it. His mom is a bitch. FML
Today, my mother called to uninvite me from Christmas, my ex-wife is going and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her. FML
Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML
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Top comments
LouisianaBob 9
You could kick your mom to the curb and not invite her over for holidays.
ters19 10
That seems like something my family would do
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Comments (193)
rae_munchkin 6
Stand up for your wife or it'll cause you big problems in the long run.
Spoonz 4
Did you secretly tell her that plan?
Strafeh 9
Dad? Lol
SlaggsYo 0
Well wer did u go wrong????????!?!?
False_Stupidity 42
I don't know about the OP, but you went horribly wrong with the spelling and excessive punctuation.
bigdurrdy 4
Something tells me you don't "have" to spend the holidays with your family. You definitely shouldn't be spending any time around them until your mother apologizes to your wife. And if you can't cut the (umbilical) cord, then you deserve to be left.
Shortiejordi 0
How awkward! Where's my turtle?!
d0j0man 3
U called ur mom useless and u wer trying to kick her ass to the curb?? Wow what a douche bag. U americans dont know what family is about
some_girl9 8
Um, dude, that's not what it says at all. You're shit-talking Americans?? You apparently can't even read!
mom2pen 4
I want to know what this dream job is... I live in OK too, maybe we are friends!
Cadillacjack1221 0
#62 you are a pud!
juturnaamo 29
This is why I have a no family policy for the holidays. You're a grown man. You don't have to do anything.