Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML
Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML
Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML
Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML
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Top comments
carelessxdanger 9
did they give you a lower bail bond in light of the black friday spirit? (:
spluver0005 17
Hey toasters are important you know
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Comments (87)
singer0421 32
Your husband is one of those people that makes me scared of Black Friday shopping.
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
Cyber Monday for the win!!
shortandproud13 14
Oh the joys of Black Friday, which now apparently starts Thursday evening. The day right after a day of giving thanks for what we have, in which people run around like crazy buying materialistic items in order to save money. The best things in life are intangible people!
singer0421 32
Yes, I also enjoy people that I can't touch.
speckledots 29
Thanksgiving is now "Grey Thursday" apparently. At least that's what its been called out here. Grey Thursday, Black Friday, and Cyber Monday. Our holiday for thanks has turned into a shopping spree.
the_real_dvd 21
42, I boycotted shopping this weekend. Spent the whole weekend with my wife and kids. Dinner with the family yesterday. Took them to an art expo today. The holidays used to be about family, not about cheap electronics. I agree, pathetic and sad. I wish every person out there would boycott Thanksgiving sales, but unfortunately most people are motivated by greed and not love.
Flowtastic 16
44 - the weekend hasn't even started yet Braddah. ;)
perdix 31
How could he call himself a man if he couldn't provide his woman with small electrics? Society is just suppressing his primal instincts!
gc327072 31
He was so desperate for a toaster he landed himself in the cooler.
perdix 31
"Your Honor, it had a Bagel Slot -- a Bagel Slot, I tell you!" "Case dismissed. You are free to go."
skatergal99 17
Well that's unfortunate...
Vagitarian1 10
Stupid ****.
olpally 33
What a dumb ass. Stupidest reason ever for getting thrown in jail. Let him sit in there. Haha. Jesus.
Epikouros 32
Jesus got arrested for blasphemy. That was pretty stupid, too.
Marie314 17
Must make some good toast
allplayedout 20
Shouldn't have posted bail so quickly. Hubby sounds like he could use a weekend in the slammer for being a violent, selfish ass.