Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, my husband was arrested because a fox, fleeing from about a billion dogs and rich twats on horses, jumped through our car window, and cowered between my legs. He got out of the car, waded through the dogs, and pulled one of the twats off his horse into a puddle, ruining his red coat. FML
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML
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Top comments
IntoTheClouds 42
That's a funny story, actually.
MrHankie1999 0
They are confused because it didn't have a siren.
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Comments (187)
IntoTheClouds 42
That's a funny story, actually.
mnmolino 14
Sounds like it should be on family guy
SecretMe00 5
A police horse? And this occurred in the U.S..? That's strange. Maybe I just don't get out enough. I figured the cops just had police vehicles.
kjcookie10 9
How funny!!! But embarrassing at the same time...
waswashere 0
Hi-ho silver and away!
bamagrl410 31
20 - my town has a bunch. They patrol the town center and mall areas where people are out & about. They exist, don't worry lol
MrShizzBear 0
I was going to ask if they succeeded... Then I realized how stupid that would've been...
LolFMLnot 10
Your husband is kool :D
Stealthed 8
I hate how they get away with littering, everyone just accepts horse crap, but anything else and it's practically jail time. Talk about double standards!
StoryOfTheYear 15
Bet 106 has been sitting on FML hoping that someday an FML that has something to do with a horse pops up so he can post that.
jaredjudd21 2
10- you should copyright that before... Well let's just say before someone borrows it...
Sebastian_NG 17
Grand Theft Stallion
Jeathrow 2
They have horses all over New York (secretme)
MrHankie1999 0
They are confused because it didn't have a siren.
EatnBeef 7
New rule: if he's drunk, lock him in the basement and give him some nyquil
shellz102 12
"Please honey, I wasn't THAT drunk!" - Husband
1bluesky1 6
I'm not as think as you drunk I am?
EatnBeef 7
I'm not drinking and driving officer. I'm driving and drinkin!
Insane_Tea 15
One tequila, two tequila, three tokillya, floor!
StoryOfTheYear 15
Speaking of drunkenness. I've always wanted to: 1. Notice a cop car 2. Swerve slightly on the road back and forth 3. Get pulled over 4. Take a sobriety test 5. Utterly fail it while falling all over the place and slurring words 6. Take breathalyzer and have it show 0.00 7. Hopefully drive away scot-free and leave cop really, really confused
jaredjudd21 2
I'm not drinking ociffer I prom... (hits floor)
Blackmail111 9
I will not get drunk I will not get druuunk I will not git drukkk I will nawt gi drunka I well nt gdrun I wrrsbulf I BLAAAARGH *falls of chair and passes out in vomit*
GoodLookingGeese 10
125- I've actually tried this and believe me - it's not worth it. The next step is: * they call other cop colleagues thinking their meter is broke * another tests go 0,00 but they still try more * then the cops think your on drugs * take you to the police station on a not comfortable back seat of their car * do multiple blood tests * send you back after wasting your 2-2,5h * you have to get back to your car by yourself * no one believes police wasted 3,5h of your life
lostinhappiness 6
125- Been there done that (except I tripped during the test but the cop's grunt let me know he thought I was drunk) took a breathalyzer test and it came up 0.00 and he just let me go.
bamagrl410 31
I would so do that, however I feel like cops where I live would then find SOMETHING to give me a ticket for. Reckless driving probably.
insanelyXnikki 18
No, Mr. Alcohol, I haven't had any officers.
Mercury03 13
Wow. All I can really say is wow. Hope he learned his lesson.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Actually a horse is the easiest thing to steal because there are no alarms, locks, or trackers, but I'm pretty sure they're going to realize it's not the best thing to escape with once they have it.
silentblack 0
That is funny. Was the horse named buttercup? Lol
niswisk 3
Ur awsome just for that question alone! Poor buttercup lol
Amrel 10
The horses name is Seabiscuit
StoryOfTheYear 15
If I had a horse... I'd name it General Chuck McShniederhoffmansteinsington just to hear it announced over the loud-speakers at a derby someday.
ibebrandy 4
That's awesome!!!
Pelreskovich 11
Your husband and company sound like a hoot! Hopefully these types of things don't happen often? :/
AmbrosiaWriter 17
This is funny, but I suggest that you request your husband stay home and have his buddies come over if they're going to be drinking. At least that way you can keep an eye on him.
Shelta957 13
How would he even be able to accomplish that!?!
iRiS890 5
Obviously he didn't accomplish anything if she was bailing him out of jail.
landry5247 0
Obviously thats what 7 meant. Dick^
micahz2 0
He could have been all ninja and leap from a building and push the officer off... Just a suggestion lol.
Philliesfan9391 3
-60 This ain't Assassin's Creed...
Philliesfan9391 3
Hidden blades? Noob, my hookblade can destroy your hidden blades any time of the week.
Amrel 10
Good story to say to his kids maybe, but a retarded thing overall
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
"..and thats how I got the first charge on my criminal record."
Amrel 10
"Thas also how I met your mother!"
tylersign 11
33- Wow dude. Join ruin the whole show for me.
littlerena67 2
haha nice xD. his children will b so proud
FLgators93 3
lol that is just great haha
ladiesman219 4
Get him a horse for his birthday so he won't need to steal anymore.