Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML
Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML
Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML
Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML
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Top comments
carelessxdanger 9
did they give you a lower bail bond in light of the black friday spirit? (:
spluver0005 17
Hey toasters are important you know
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Comments (87)
spluver0005 17
Hey toasters are important you know
cheshirecat13242 32
Yeah--don't F with a man's capability to make toast..
wcc7777777 5
The next best thing to sliced bread? Heated to a crisp sliced bread
JMichael 26
Put some butter and cinnamon on that shit and it makes toast soooo worth it
nix1993 41
Did he at least get the toaster?
154rct 7
"All toasters, toast toast." --Mario
carelessxdanger 9
did they give you a lower bail bond in light of the black friday spirit? (:
zandalee 20
No because the police thought he was too toasted.
mallu86 9
90% off and they did accept the buy one get one free coupon. It couldn't get any better than that.
kak_999999999 12
Oh the joys of Black Friday...
Nyx_fml 23
I'm sure it wasn't just ANY toaster. I mean, who would do that for a simple toaster? Must have been the Little Brave Toaster.
Comet_Candy 23
It must make some pretty godly toast.
adam3650 12
The little toaster who could.
tpm45 25
Bet it was a toaster oven. Cold War style baby.
TheCrispyCat 20
It was probably a Toaster-Radio on sale for $5
Killswitchknot 20
That better have been the greatest toaster in the world for anyone to fight for it.
persianninja 23
It probably won an award
onlychildFTW 34
Maybe it's a 6 slice toaster! Can't go wrong with that.
ohSNAPyall 27
Yeah, how many pieces of toast do you put into this toaster?
AGhost5445 25
The things we do for toasters huh
lindora 35
I can't believe people are so heavily manipulated by money. Sheeple.
dreadbeat69 12
It was a good post until you ruined it with "sheeple". Come on...
Flowtastic 16
Or manipulated in general to do a seductive selfie while looking like they tried on mascara and eyeliner for the first time ever... Sheeple indeed!
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
51- You should really tell her to put ice on such a severe burn.
Link5794 18
Actually, ice can damage the burnt tissue even more. Cold water is better.
isallwaysme 27
well, did the other guy punch your husband first or..? we need a little more detail
inkdeath87 18
We all need a cheap toaster, geez.
fishstick557 14
Guess his buns got toasted