Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML
Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live, and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML
Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship, after he told me he loved me. FML
Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You're stupid enough to try and blackmail your boss for more money? You definitely deserve it.
notesz 21
Read the word "blackmail", instant YDI.
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Comments (128)
Welshite 40
You're stupid enough to try and blackmail your boss for more money? You definitely deserve it.
cheeeksss 29
I can forgive stupidity. But the fact that you would use this method for a raise rather than working hard and earning it makes you a bad person, OP. I'm glad karma bit you in the ass.
tygerarmy 35
Your boss may be a douchebag, but if you're willing to blackmail some.. Pot meet Kettle.
ChristianH39 30
If the boss is in an open relationship there's not even reason to assume he's a douchebag, this is all on OP.
teentee401 37
He might be calling him a douchebag for other reasons
Stephencharis 14
OP clearly needs Jesus...
littlekellilee 45
Sometimes it's best to just stay quiet.
BlondePsycho 43
Like my lawyer always says, "Shut up and dont say a ******* thing till i get there."
JayVicious 20
your lawyer tell you that alot?
fortune789 17
This is one of the truest cases of "OP is a fag" I have ever seen.
Cortezthe1st 23
I don't like it when people use sexuality as an insult.
sonshadsil94 15
Saul is the best isn't he?
badgercheese94 16
Actually, this FML made me think of Ted Beneke lol
symfora 17
Yeah, that was pretty dumb.
notesz 21
Read the word "blackmail", instant YDI.
lovelyvampire 16
who's the douche bag now OP?
Grey_Tempest 16
So this is what it's like to be here early... Anyways you deserve it for blackmailing someone. For a raise? Seriously? And no matter how much of a d-bag your boss may be, doing something wrong is not the answer.
Retaheki 27
I feel the d-bag part was to make it seem like the boss was at fault, not OP.
martin8337 36
Sometimes blackmailing someone can bite you in the ass.
davisjenny81 30
More like always. OP has succeeded in becoming an ass
ihartmytdi 23
Time to meet the wife! ;D
R2Y2 22
That wouldn't make the situation worse at all. /sarcasm Even if OP quit and had nothing to lose, I doubt he'd have a chance with wifey, considering the whole blackmail thing. OPs boss probably told her, lol.
swanheart 35
From reading the fml it is clear that the wife wouldn't be bothered about her husbands affair so going to see her would be pointless
Stephencharis 14
you want to meet the wife??....I'd prefer to think the Family is messed up...
crazytwinsmom 25
@101, they meant to have an affair since it's an open relationship.
dope_mcfly 24
@119 why assume the family is messed up? I love my wife and she knows my girlfriend. I know her girlfriend, too. Open relationships are fun for all involved.
ParisSosa 11
Should have just kept that to yourself.
ItsDutch 16
Should've just minded your own business instead of trying to blackmail your boss... You totally deserved it.
Cortezthe1st 23
Maybe you should mind your own business.
Sophie_K 8
Exactly
Wakachulak 22
Well, his raise is his business.
TallMist 32
But their boss's relationships is NOT.