Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML
Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML
Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML
Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML
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Top comments
carelessxdanger 9
did they give you a lower bail bond in light of the black friday spirit? (:
spluver0005 17
Hey toasters are important you know
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Comments (87)
mythicaltimes 15
Was it a brave little toaster?
noobienick 19
Well, did he get the toaster?
sanecatlady 13
People get greedier and stupider every year. It'll be the death of us all. :-C
aron666 25
At least he didn't depend on his son's martial arts skills ...
ducky45 20
I was waiting for a Black Friday fml
EpitomeofBoredom 5
Did the guy your husband beat up happen to have been with his martial-arts-class-taking son?
Bcfrmkc816 17
It was probably for you so you could make him toast after sex
RollerBlazer 2
only in MURICA does crap like this happen. one day you give thanks for what you have..the next day you beat people over new things that chances are..you already own.
cXXkilljoyXXx 3
well duh why would you want to pay full price to burn your food. that guy deserved it. trying to take his toaster. I want to see this guy when Macy's announces their one day sale.
143amandaott 10
If that were my husband i would have left him there overnight and then picked up the next afternoon!