Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML
Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
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Top comments
sweet2u22 9
This is probably one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read.
jackassiddy 8
I guess be glad she didn't say she was gonna beat you till you shit your pants?
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Comments (92)
ShazzRandom 7
Did you lose any teeth like you see on movies when people get knocked in the jaw? That's gotta hurt!
Pabs24 0
FALCON PUNCH.
KelpForBrains 0
8 - That comment was so bad I cut off my left nipple.
Zackaray 0
Pretty drastic measures to go to for JUST seeing a bad comment, don't you think? I would have done something way less than that, such as slicing out my jugular. But cutting off your nipple!? That has to be too far.
Damn_Hippster 11
Oh the irony. Although that kind of stuff happens to me as well.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
Op: "screw u mom!" Op's mom walks by:WTH?? Op's Mom: I can knock u out! Starts chuckling Op: I can do it myself! Wham! Op's mom starts running down hallway laughing.
cumatmebro 0
I haven't laughed this much in ages. :)
ShazzRandom 7
Kelpforbrains was it the same nipple that got caught in the trumpet case?
CudIEpie 0
Why would you do it yourself?
crazychick1269 7
it was in a dream they didn't purposely do it
jackassiddy 8
I guess OP thought " if you want something done right.."
rciccone 0
lmao ask mike aka the situation the same thing when he knocked himself out when fighting with ronnie
jackassiddy 8
^The three things that will get you automatically thumbed down for mentioning: Twilight, Justin Beiber, Jersey Shore. *thumbs own comment down for mentioning the unholy trinity*
sweet2u22 9
This is probably one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read.
HentaiBunny 4
I agree. It's so weird and hilarious.
jackassiddy 8
I guess be glad she didn't say she was gonna beat you till you shit your pants?
Crazyjoe33 6
That would be a "shitty" situation...
docscientist 10
**** you, crazyjoe.
Crazyjoe33 6
What? Did you want to say it?
MrSchneebly 5
I hope you dont share a bed with anyone, they could end up in a bad way
M0rt 0
Considering how he dreams about his mom I think it's safe to say he sleeps alone
Torva_fml 16
Last I checked cupcakes were slutty wanna-be muffins who wear too much frosting to try to cover up their blemishes. Muffins on the other hand... Are just beautiful.
Jf770 10
Lol!! Done that before o.o not the funnest thing ever:3
Jf770 10
Meh.
geon_olam 17
yet it still caused you to "laugh out loud."
Jf770 10
I meant its not funny when it happens to yourself..
Torva_fml 16
I've been woken up by an intense ****** thinking I was having a wet dream. It was dry.... I am still confused as to how it happened.
GhostlyGhoulish 1
Wait a minute, are you that guy that wrote the fml about how he was dreaming of bacon?
twofirstnames 12
The things we do in our dreams..
CassieMarieee 7
It's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it :)
_011235813_ 11
LOL
Outsider_77 0
Very punny
skinthesnakes 6
A model child.
Tvolsfan325 13
what an idiot.
castlebabii 6
Who does that?
jroxursox1 10
He was asleep.