Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML
Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
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Top comments
sweet2u22 9
This is probably one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read.
jackassiddy 8
I guess be glad she didn't say she was gonna beat you till you shit your pants?
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Comments (92)
AmieLea18 7
*waking up: Whaa.. how did I get this bruise on my head. Mum? *Gasp. You have turned her against me! :you have done that yourself.
SeldomHappy 3
Even in a dream, why would you offer to beat yourself up? Do you hate yourself? Had any arguments with yourself? Owe yourself money perhaps?
MazterK1268 1
That's too funny
bikramkohli 11
Did anyone else think of Russell Peters after reading this fml? "Oh yeah? **** you!! You not kill me! I kill me!"
chevyboy1122 9
That one made my day!
audreygirl16 0
Thats what you get for trying to hit your mom!
Tapdivaaa 0
WTH is wrong with you that you would even dream of hitting yourself in the face????
someguy314159265 15
People dream of crazy things, my friend. I, personally, have dreamed such things as myself driving a bus off a cliff.
boardforlife 0
Don't complain I just had all my impacted wisdom teeth removed yesterday... I can't stop drooling or bleeding.... Ps they also took out jAw bone
Rileyman360 0
damn, that must have been quite a dream
IBelongToJeebus 0
I'd like to watch you sleep...