Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML
Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
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Top comments
sweet2u22 9
This is probably one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read.
jackassiddy 8
I guess be glad she didn't say she was gonna beat you till you shit your pants?
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Comments (92)
KindaFunnyRight 8
Woah is your mom Freddy Kruger?
joeyf23 5
in the face
sheethapins 13
If your mom has that kind of power over you even in sleep, I idolize her.
yourlifesfucked 0
That's terrific. Made my day. Don't beat yourself up over it OP, we all have strange dreams. One time, I dreamed I was eating a sheep, and then when I woke up, my cat was missing.
OliveLove67 5
And here comes the puns....
BosmanJ 5
I once hit my stepfather when he tried to wake me. I was still asleep and it wasn't on purpose.
bsbuddy 0
Sure.....
forkphoe 0
I've done that before -__- instead of my mom though, it was my fourth grade teacher.
Littlejohn224 0
I'm kicking my @$$, do you mind! (Liar Liar reference)
Littlejohn224 0
I'm kicking my @$$, do you mind (Liar Liar reference)
rubberduckie94 13
may be you should train to be the worlds first sleep walking boxer. just make sure you hit your opponent. I do weird things in my sleep too.