Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML
Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
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Top comments
sweet2u22 9
This is probably one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read.
jackassiddy 8
I guess be glad she didn't say she was gonna beat you till you shit your pants?
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Comments (92)
stangbabyxo4 7
Epic!
every1luvsboners 11
That's a jaw-dropper.
idontknowyou123 0
One sided arguements always end badly.
Takainthemachine 0
Apparently even in your sleep you are an idiot..ydi
THE_A_TEEN 28
"even in your sleep, you are an idiot"? I'm sorry, WHAT?? What ever movement you do in your sleep while you're dreaming is involuntary, that involves tossing and turning (or in this case punching). There is no way the op deserves to be called an idiot for doing something he can't control. Aperran
KiddNYC1O 22
POW! Right in the kisser.
idontknowyou123 0
One of these days! One of these daya
idontknowyou123 0
days* sorry using phone
VoteForTaco 8
So you beat yourself up in a dream and then you could feel it outside of the dream? Are you Chuck Norris?
DocBastard 40
I think that's the definition of a sucker punch. Sucker.
Snafuusmc 12
What a slugger...
hateevryone 15
that's definitely weird. did you tell your mom about it?
ty1992_farmlife 12
Lol ouch! First the punch then she'll be dreaming that she is jumping into a pool, that'll hurt in the morning :)