Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lemoncows 2
dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!
Valea_fml 9
Eww! Disgusting. FYL.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (186)
asdmike9 0
almost barfed... maybe you should move or pesticide the place lol
skate4life753 0
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
NurseNasty 12
If you store your glasses in a rim down position, creepy crawlies can't fall in.
supersailor32 0
did you know that 80% of our worlds population eats bugs? they are high on protein :)
viaMannequin 1
That's hot.
qcumberlovar 2
I just threw up.
truehitman2010 0
delicioso
bobjoefredsky 0
guess whos back? I AM
GoingLesbian 0
BLEH! I'd never sleep again till in hospital on meds... away from... 'them'...
klightX1815 0
i call bs. u must be deep throating ur cup of water then if u managed to get a whole cockroach almost lodged in ur throat.