Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
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Top comments
lemoncows 2
dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!
Valea_fml 9
Eww! Disgusting. FYL.
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Comments (186)
camerican21 1
YDI for waking up before he got to your stomach. The average human eats 8 spiders a year anyway, look it up
burriedinskin 0
Ya, SPIDERS, not cockroaches:P
AubriS 0
Yeah I'd take a spider over a cockroach any day!!
yehr 0
any insects.... what do you think cockroaches have some kind of exemption? lol
tona01 16
spiders are archnids not insects
ChibiGirl5 0
eww WTF that's why I turn on the lights to see what I'm drinking
Grimmerie 31
this. i only drink when I can see what's in my drink.
Misil 0
People who still drink stuff without checking first -clearly- have not read FML enough...
xNikkiez 0
I always look before I Sit, lay, touch, or anything because of FML, and actually saved myself from some FML moments.
djphoenix18 1
This was so disgusting I created an account to let you know your life sucks.
SeaChicken 0
hehe nice
zolziski 11
Who leaves open glasses with water out to drink throughout the night? Seriously? Use bottled water or put tap water in a juice bottle and never again will you accidentally swallow a cockroach/ants/your room mate's old mouthwash etc.
elmski87 0
at least you coughed it out?
awesomer2000 0
I'm sorry but if it was me I would break down crying and probably try to swallow bleach to clean my mouth because I'm dead scared of cockroaches
yehr 0
they're just another insect :P
damian777 0
Ewwie
maddiewoah 15
That's so nasty... I hate cockroaches. This is why I always turn the lights on and grab a clean cup BEFORE I get a drink. All these FMLs about waking up in the middle of the night and swallowing something that isn't water, you'd think some of them would learn from others' mistakes..
UpsidedownKayak 9
Exactly right, always turn the light on.
Lufferkinz 0
Actually cockroaches are cleaner than human beings theirselves, so stop saying they're disgusting, hypocrite. And, how did you like that huugeee **** in your throat? ;)
Justine94_x 31
Blue waffle...nom.;)
AnnyAnarchy22 0
I don't believe that 37, I think I'm a little cleaner than a nasty sewer bug!!
Lufferkinz 0
As hard to believe, it's true. Studies show that cockroaches are indeed cleaner than humans.
waltean 0
You deserve it for not checking your drink before you drank it
yehr 0
yep 71. they preen thselves like cats. the only reason people hate them is because they are carriers of dormant disiese thst yhey have become immune to, but we can catch and be infected by. 100 of them can also live off the food on one toothbrush head do the dirty myth is well and truly busted.