Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lemoncows 2
dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!
Valea_fml 9
Eww! Disgusting. FYL.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (186)
SCBeauty1983 0
I bet now you'll turn on the light the next time you get up for a drink in the middle of the night...
cole86 0
well do u like COCKroaches in ur mouth?
LexxyLiime 0
I see what you did there
13garoni 0
hahaha that's funny as shit if you are five years old
bendirkss 0
63 I love you
ROFLBERRYPIE 0
Probably wasn't too pleasant for the roach either.
fthku 13
I have nothing more to say than this- Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. Also ew. I don't mind all sorts of bugs.. bees, wasps.. bring em on. But if there's one thing I am completely disgusted by is cockroaches. FYL man.
yehr 0
I don't even care about cockroaches.. just not in my mouth D:
HesJustTheBest 0
Either move out of that shit house and buy a decent apartment or get the hell out and call an exterminator.
sweet_candy_ 17
Ewww how does that happen?
yesiyes 0
he sleeeps with his mouth open & the cockroach crawls inside:D
yehr 0
you swallow x amount of insects in your sleep per year, Inc spiders. there is also a set max amount of insect legs allowed in chocolate manufacturing before it becomes a health violation....
xundria 5
You are what you eat.
prettypinkpixie 9
Reading this made me sick to my stomach. Thats a horrible thing to have happen. I would be traumatized for life if that happened to me.
testthecoal 5
for life? Move to the amazon &see how long you can last there
darkness777 0
search up. 2 girls 1 cup on google or also search up 1 guy 1 jar
prettypinkpixie 9
Yes #43, for life. When I was in the 3rd grade I had this large furry spider crawling up my arm, and I still get grossed out when I think about it. Having a cockroach in your mouth is much worse than that. And why would I move to the Amazon? I don't need to see how long I would survive there, seeing as how I would never go there. I'm happy as can be here in Cali.
stephan2010 0
2 kids 1 sandbox....
xdust 4
call an exorsist
OceanBreathesSal 5
more like an exterminator
mintcar 10
This wouldn't have happened if you chewed some Orbit.
Rowdey 10
Thanks for sharing, 152