Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML
Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
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Top comments
Calivale 7
Aww your mom loves you, to the extent of ruining your social life.
niamah 11
Mom is lonely. Tell dad to start taking her out again
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Comments (247)
heylesha 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
at least she cares.
hott15 0
Uhm no that's a bit over protective/ psycho. Depending what age you are I guess.
Screwie 25
Jump back to you mother and say oh NO you don't! And then slap her next time it happens.
uncleyuggles 0
Imagine if the mom caught them having sex...
heylesha 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
um yes. Theres parents that can walk in on thier kids ******* and not do a damn thing about it. This most deff shows she cares.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
OP, just tell your mother to stay 50 feet away from you. She's obviously not cool enough to be around you.
zombicidal 11
the devil has hands and he uses em fer holdin (Dewey Cox dad)
Mrmeatfold 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You are an idiot. And will probably grow up to be just as dumb and embarrassing as this mom.
RetardedChipmunk 7
Um, did comment travel into the future because it sounds like another FML...
MissBunnyWillEat 11
27: Detecting sarcasm is very important on FML. I suggest you learn how.
RetardedChipmunk 7
I don't see a 27 Wtf your comments time travelled again!
illmatic2 16
#27 Was deleted by a mod. Use your brain it's not that hard to figure out.
fthislyfe 22
Haha I remember when I was a little younger, my mom did all that stuff to me. Like pressing the resent button when I was chatting with a guy, never leaving me home alone, never letting me go out alone, always picking me up from school, etc etc
MegaAlien 4
She cares but she is hand blocking the crap out of him
Enslaved 38
27's comment is posted under 21's. It's like Find Waldo on FML sometimes. Lol
Enslaved 38
Oops.... never mind it's deleted.
Jacobt24 19
What kind of date was it for your mom to be right there watching you?
arlekin21 0
Get another mom
Lintu_26 23
Maybe it was in the park...a picnic or something...and stalker mom was in the bushes, waiting for the right moment to jump out?
eeppiicc 8
Why are so many fmls lately ending in this isn't the first time it's happened??
lbumbblebee 5
atleast she let you hang out with him.. I'm 17 and my parents are still up my ass about hanging out with guys :/
BShady96 0
wait... you said it was your FIRST date, but not the first time it happened? what?
MissBunnyWillEat 11
159: *clears throat* It was not OP's very first date. Just her first date with that guy. Also, OP's mother has gone gangster on a fellow before that, apparently. Reading and comprehension= intelligence which = woo-******-hoo.
decidedlyvague 11
She'd say, "Oh no you don't!", and slap his dick.
BEASTvela_17 1
How is it your first date but it isn't the first time it's happened?
Chloe555_fml 27
I prefer "Cat Block"
tag1061 0
Your parents are up your ass? I'm pretty sure that is illegal in all 50 states.
Calivale 7
Aww your mom loves you, to the extent of ruining your social life.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Forbidding the holding of hands at any age is quite extreme. There's nothing wrong with that.
Lanceeden 12
AWW HELL NAW GIRL HOLD MAH EARRINGS
sarapsosis 1
oh heeeeeyall nah! be careful boi, she be lookin for you, she gonna find, she gonna fiiind...
mintcar 10
Yep, the mom is extreme.
mintcar 10
Lmao at 30. Hahaha. 68, you kinda ruined it.
TheCylonmaster 3
If she's that protective just tell her you were about to cross the street. Safety first!
FarSide 23
My dad told my sisters boyfriend that he would cut his nuts off if he ever showed up at the door again.
kolas22 4
That's harsh I'd loose it my parents did that.
nateiztite 5
in the car I just can't wait to pick you up on our very first date
theaws0m3guy 4
"Is it cool if I hold your hand?" Oh heeellll noo!!
sarapsosis 1
I know @mintcar....I know *siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* *SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*
LiyIa_fml 8
Lol @ 30 I think it would be funny if my Mom did that on a first date. If the guy puts up with my Mom and still wants a second date, he's damn worthy of it. :) But the second date.... Id be a little pissed....
Daralea 21
Okay, forget the stalking you bit. Even forget that she forbids you to hold someone's hand. She physically assaulted your date? I hope you defended him because you obviously knew what your mom was like before dragging this poor man into your little slice of hell.
rawr_ily96 24
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My parents have seen me kiss my boyfriend and they only teased us about it for a little bit.
niamah 11
Mom is lonely. Tell dad to start taking her out again
blueberrypsycho 9
word.
urdirtyolduncle 15
11 words.
HatefulPilot 0
Just buy her some sex pills and slip them in your dad and moms food. Problem solved.
ikickgingers 15
Words with friends
queenb1621 21
That was wat I was thinking lol
jefffluffingham 5
what if the dad's not around. or dead. and the mother isnt a necrophiliac. hire a body double to lead your mother to the opposite side of town while you have wild deviant sex with this guy.
reneetlovesyou 30
How did you get that they were going to have sex from attempted hand-holding?
aliadnan708 6
Kinda embarrassing
nitewlf12 10
It sucks to be **** blocked by your parents. Even worse to get bitch slapped by your dates mom. I think this is more an fml for the guy than for OP.
Cleao18317 11
Just a little bit
howie711 0
Over protective parents for the lose.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
My parents would probably celebrate if I ever get that far with a girl... That'll be the day ;D
evnflr 7
For the fail*
farhil 14
No. For the lose.
BernieBeauty 1
from all your comments you've been posting on fml's, you sound like a pretty lonley man..
LadyLexi 0
Your moms waaaayyy overprotective. FYL. imagine when ur married...
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Some parents just can't accept that their children are growing up.
zombicidal 11
at the wedding the groom gets to kiss her forehead
Lenho 26
With that mom, OP may never get married.
ninja_ness 3
You may now air hug the bride
LadyLexi 0
You may now be attacked by the brides mother is more like it...
music87 14
Yeah...make sure you lock all windows and doors at night followed by a search of the house before any frisky activity. I could only imagine what she would do if she walked in on you having sex....
VandalHeartX 0
How the Hell is she EVER going to get married?
garfield224 0
Sucks for you
farhil 14
Tell her to **** off... But not in so many words
hailphire130 0
Why the hell do so many people just write sucks for you? Just clogging up the comment space guys.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Is your mother Madea?
UrLyfSuxx 0
Are you Kesha
DalekScythe 0
Ninja Momma FTW!!!!!
fthislyfe 22
hahahahaha Madea's awesome she can't be Madea
12vballchick12 5
34-Yes, she is Ke$ha. Obviously ;)
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Errr... No. Like I've said before, I do not shower in beer and glitter, nor do I suck chode for a penny. Therefore, I am not Ke$ha. That is all.
sin862 0
mum must have been jealous cause she aint milf
trollsemen 8
Uh what?
faithxoxox 1
10 is trying to say the mother is jealous of OP, because the mother cannot get any dates/is not a MILF. {Mom I'd Like to ****, if you were wondering.}
trollsemen 8
Haha I love your mom.
HatefulPilot 0
I love your picture :D!
trollsemen 8
I love you,
sarapsosis 1
^ Can u love me too? 8)
trollsemen 8
No. Your a horrible person.
trollsemen 8
I'm kidding of course