Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML
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Top comments
mahimalil 0
☆。★。☆。★ 。☆ 。☆。☆ ★。＼｜／。★ Happy New Year! ★。／｜＼。★ 。☆。 。☆。 ☆。 ★。 ☆
SmokyMcBong 1
well atleast u can make up a bad ass story about what could have happened to ur eye haha
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Comments (91)
Fatima196 0
I supposedly had my family and dog and cat...parents and cat chilling in the basement and sister with her husband and kid and other sister out at a party... Which leaves me and my dog...by new years no opened no drinks..dad got whiskey decided nvm...worst new years ever. Lol don't feel bad.
ICaughtFire 4
You just confused the hell out of me. I read your comment at least four times and I'm still not sure what you said.
Blazingcrono 6
Little punctuations, excessive use of "and," and loss of words will do that to you.
IHeartJimi02 0
Holy crap I'm confused
talb1 7
I am confuckeled.
ICaughtFire 4
Confuckled. That is brilliant!
kissyxoxo 0
That is my new favourite word.
starile 20
I think she's trying to day she's a crazy drunk that we should all stay away from.
KFCkoolaidWaterm 0
Nah, he's on the right one. I mean, loads of people apologize to champagne bottles. People have been doing that for ages. Nothing absurd about that. Where have you been?
MysticDude 1
I love the way this is written! Don't worry OP, I'm not having much of a celebration myself.
DocBastard 40
Please also tell us about the brawl you had with the toaster, the melée you were engaged in with the pickle jar, the epic battle you had versus the refrigerator, and how you narrowly escaped death after using the can opener.
beatlesfreak 0
Hahaha! xD
JuuuusssstFML 0
a little extra but funny :D
Doortje 30
You're forgetting clash with the teaspoon. That one was the worst.
WeeGee_fml 0
win
greywolf17 0
I know how you feel about the alone part :(
Samberriee 9
Wow.. they edited the crap out of this. Saw the unmoderated version earlier haha. Anyways, sorry OP :( Happy New Year XD
BubbaDoose 0
wow either you're an asshole or a loser...
nathansing 6
aww! FML
WeeGee_fml 0
that reminds me I have to apologize to mine for letting it expire
damon199 0
you deserve it for opening the bottle like an idiot. point it away from your face...