Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML
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Top comments
mahimalil 0
☆。★。☆。★ 。☆ 。☆。☆ ★。＼｜／。★ Happy New Year! ★。／｜＼。★ 。☆。 。☆。 ☆。 ★。 ☆
SmokyMcBong 1
well atleast u can make up a bad ass story about what could have happened to ur eye haha
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Comments (91)
bigdaddy18 0
lol dude don't worry ur not the only one home alone, all I have is a stinky dog
TheCheyenneMorga 3
I have my cat, but she's sleeping.
BahahahLOL 0
I have yo mama!
btnhdude 0
another way to say it is, I HAVE YO MUDDA!
starile 20
I had all yo muddy mamas!
btnhdude 0
and I mista, I had yo sista!!!!
xMafia 0
At least no body saw you get your ass kicked by a wine bottle! happy new year!
Barette_fml 7
Yeah, there's plenty sitting at home alone (like me!).
xMafia 0
At least no body saw you get your ass kicked by a wine bottle! happy new year!
sourgirl101 29
Many don't know this but when you're opening up a champagne bottle, you hold the cork and "twist the bottle". Most do it the opposite way by mistake.(:
ICaughtFire 4
Hm. Never knew that. Then again, I've never tried opening a bottle of champagne. Why does it make as difference as to which way you open it, if you don't mind me asking?
ICaughtFire 4
A difference*
IHeartJimi02 0
If you hole the cork like she said it won't go flying and give you a black eye.
ICaughtFire 4
That makes sense.
Cass3m0 0
Wrong FML, unless you mean he should apologize to the cork for getting in its way.
lover_of_life 8
Cork: 1. OP: 0. What a great way to start out the new year! Tell people you got the black eye because of a bar fight or something.
D0nis 2
a good way to start 2011.
aback 5
You gotta show 'em who's boss. Better luck next year. Maybe take up some Tae Kwon Do.
zanguard 0
Usually alcohol induces the fight but in this case it was a participant.