Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML
Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
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Top comments
BigBoyBounce 5
The only thing i could thonk of when i read this was Patrick Star.
saintsrocksocks 10
Lol AHHHH BUT CRAMP. -Patrick Star
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Comments (171)
koolkat27 13
You probably need more potassium in your diet. That lifeguard sounds like an inconsiderate ass though, sorry:(
YourMoms_BF 2
Scumbag lifeguard.
The_F3rris 11
"could you quit drowning? Im trying to get laid."
live2swim 5
Why do you need a life guard if you have a cramp?....
Marine4life33 0
Dont b a pussy
bankrupt 15
I agree as well, Pattipan. When we were kids my asshole brother was a lifeguard. He made no effort to disguise the fact that he wanted this job because he thought (correctly, as it turned out) he'd get a lot of snatch doing it. I used to wonder who was watching the pool while was scouting out his next conquest and hoped that no one drowned while he was trying to get into the bikini bottom of some bimbo.
DerekCorbett 18
It's a cramp… were you really in that much need of help?
IscoreOnU 19
If he can stay there for five minutes with a cramp he can swim his ass to the side of the pool and get out. And wtf would the lifeguard do give him a massage? Pansy just a pansy
gandolf6912 0
Nope, no way that happened
IPoopedOnU 12
This happened to me when I was younger this fat old lifeguard was flirting with the teenager girls, and I was getting tired but I was in the middle of the lake. And the lifeguard didn't even notice, my brother came and pulled me back to shore.