Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML
Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML
Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
Today, on a date, I told the guy I could swim. He suggested we race. I agreed to impress him. I jumped in, immediately panicked, inhaled water, and had to be helped out by a 10-year-old with floaties. He asked if I lied about anything else. FML
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Top comments
TipsfromSips 3
just keep swimming just keep swimming just keep swimming...
davex 0
Swim Forrest swim!
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Comments (257)
mattmalin11 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's when you snap his arms and legs, throw him in the pool, and yell "YOU swim bitch!"
cheesenuggrt 5
LOL that comment made my day!!
davex 0
Swim Forrest swim!
TipsfromSips 3
just keep swimming just keep swimming just keep swimming...
Revalation 2
hehe I love the sound of drowning douches in the morning :)
flockz 20
throw the instructor in and see if he swims like a rock.
wolflover44 5
Something smells fishy... Bitchy? You don't know... Maybe OP deserved it.
flockz 20
ya thats just what everyone's reaction is when i walk nude around my house.
DeadxManxWalking 27
37 flockz - what can I search for that picture?
flockz 20
"flockz penis reactions" there's a great variety of pictures similar to this.
ipodseller 0
if you read this I can see you, if you can't see me you may have only seconds to live
flockz 20
55- in the seconds i have to live i can thumb u down an watch your comment get buried, and therefore i cant see u. now your reasons for my murder are invalid.
MinkaGraham 0
wow , that sucks OP .. youd think that a swim coach would take you seriously in that case ..
TenderizeMe 0
HEARTLESS DICK DON'T STEAL BIKES!
Opium_Production 5
Haha
caitlinstarship 0
brilliant.
theaws0m3guy 4
Brilliant. Brilliant indeed. Your comment radiates with humor as the sun radiates its warmth and light. Thank you. Thank you very much.
NickCassell 2
Hmmm... Indeed...
NayNay14 0
20- way to ruin it.
swimchica22 0
72- wrong fml sorry Hun.
GrahamAker 3
Motivational. all I got to say.
Crncj 0
#15-win
PutItIn 8
Well then swim...............BEEEEEEOTCH
GabbyCharityM 0
Just remember, that's what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming, and then silence.
humorizer 14
Just keep swimmin! Just keep swimmin', swimmin'!
da_cookie_monsta 1
126, way to take it WAY too seriously.
chuckychan 8
1st thought: you're alive now so stop complaining your a big boy and you are over reacting 2ng thought: that sucks ass man sorry
musicalmikaela 0
Hahahaha
omfgTACOsYeSs 0
72- I'd tenderize you (; NomNomNom ..
KK3137 31
-72 .... wrong FML?
ntherewas1 11
While everything you said was completely valid, just the fact that your ugly mug is staring at us completely wipes away any sympathy I had for you. Add to that your pathetic duck face and...oii. Nasty
a_nutritionist 10
@180 swimming instructors are not doctors, there will be medical conditions they dont fully understand. this is nowhere near the same as pushing healthy bodied people in harsh conditions. do you have any idea the amount of bad nutrition advice trainers give to people? they dont know everything about everything. if this bothers you, give up on sport, its not for you.
madhouse221 0
your comment is too long for me to bother reading, making it invalid
UnicornHunter 12
I thought only girls could be bitches.
tjv3 10
SWIN BITCH
Alisa172 0
LMAO!!!!!!!! xD
My_Name_Is_ 5
haha @ #1's comment
Jsea13 4
haha good idea.
tal26ful 0
agreed
VoucheNogJZ14 0
that happened to me 2 but I kept swimming
NastyNinja31 0
mermaid man to the rescue
CEG3 0
don't forget Barnacle Boy!!
crose3294 0
I no more then finished reading that and spongebob comes on the tv (:
Sunny_Eclipse 6
Well that just made my day. :D
12em12 1
Spongebob disapproves this comment.
grrrrmetigers 0
good for you lil man
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Well, aren't you tough?
yomommma 6
Swim Bitch Swim
UsernameIsUsed 9
YDI for playing a team sport with a weak heart. If you've got something debilitating, work out on your own time, at your own pace. As long as someone is your coach, you're his bitch.
iLikeWaffles155 5
since when is swimming a team sport?
UsernameIsUsed 9
a competitive* sport
OrgasmicBunnies 9
it's in the Olympics so awhile. that's the reason I hate sports, male coaches are just so brutal. I had am old baseball coach who literally screamed in our faces till he was red for making the slightest mistake, like it destroyed the world.
Philliesfan9391 3
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming.
you_failed 15
Bitch keep swimming! Bitch keep swimming! Bitch keep swimming, swimming, swimming What do you do? You swim bitch swim!
LaughterofCorn 4
This FML makes the coach sound like one of those ass hats who spit at you while barking orders.
hilariexcore 0
That's funny, 174. There's not a single school in my area with a swim team.
xxangierulzxx 0
of course its a sport just like baseball and basketball, ever seen the olympics dumbass.
guckylynn 19
Yeah that's what I was just thinking 194.
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
Who said anything about a sport? It just says swimming practice. You know, taking lessons..
jorrrdddinnn 1
reminds me of my track coach. I was trying mid-distance and we had to run a 200, 300, and then 400. and by the time we did a 400 I was slowing down. I called out for the coach to stop and he ran faster yelling "what? I can't hear you!" it sucked.
xcdog16 0
I live in south ga and none of our highschools have swim teams
afdude87 6
damn op must be in shit shape
Nekro_kat 1
No ghetto schools-.-"
biasedshooter 24
aquaman to the rescue!
JesusFishTaco 5
"Aquaman! Help!" "Hey... hey... let her go!" "Or what?" "Or... or... I don't know man, but you're lucky you're not doing that over here."
ihasbrains 10
I prefer Seamen. Semen. Er, Seaman.
biasedshooter 24
that's what your mother said last night!
LolliDolly 19
I hope you're okay :( he sounds like a douche...maybe find a new swim coach?
jacob12311 4
maybe don't talk in questions??
andrewboygenius 4
Maybe don't be an asshole??
IndiRae 9
No, OP is not ok. They didn't make it, they're posting this FML from... beyond.
sxe_beast 11
Glad to know there's internet in the afterlife. Not sure what I would do without facebook.
Iamaninchworm 0
Maybe where a one-sy with a crotch cut out?
a_nutritionist 10
someone who starts training in a sport without notifying their coach of a serious medical condition is a douche. "i have a weak heart" does sound like a cop out excuse. you didnt specify something this serious beforehand, knowing full well you will be exerting yourself, YDI.
a_nutritionist 10
to clarify, by cop out i am referring to those who use whatever exaggerated excuse they can to justify stopping when training. its extremely common in beginners. just go to your local gym and listen for the many weak excuses to stop training.
IAm1AwesomeChick 7
if he is on the swim team for his school then he can't just get a new coach. I agree with 120. Op should have told the coach before starting the team that he had a weak heart.
joeyjones000 0
heeyy;)
a_nutritionist 10
so we cant assume either way whether the coach was fully informed or not - despite the evidence suggesting that no he wasnt - but you can make whatever assumptions you like about what i would do or my character based on what, a few lines? shut the **** up.
soccer_lover_714 4
Ewwww your picture is disgusting!!!
broomhildo 19
What a loving instructor.
hoodasswhitekid 0
swim instructor-1 girlfriend problems-0
FernAdele 9
just keep swimming what do we do we swim
Acadania 0
ahh good ol' Nemo
instnt1nfction 17
nemo is not old
dearbarn 0
so is Ron Jeremys balls
iraq24 2
he had you at the begnining ehen he said shut the **** up bitch before I slap you. didn't he?
iraq24 2
you people do realize thumbs downs only make me realize I'm trolling better than ever :D
alpaquette91 9
woah...
truehitman2010 0
sue him!!!!!!
LolliDolly 19
Yes, because suing is the answer to everything -_-