Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML
Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
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Top comments
BigBoyBounce 5
The only thing i could thonk of when i read this was Patrick Star.
saintsrocksocks 10
Lol AHHHH BUT CRAMP. -Patrick Star
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Comments (171)
perdix 31
His job is to SAVE lives. If you are thrashing about, watching him flirt and timing him, you are not in mortal danger -- you are just looking foolish. Sure, he gets paid to save your life, but what gets him out of bed in the morning is the prospect of flirting with pretty girls.
Abbyybba 0
It's not like saving lives is the first thing teenage boys think about.
yeongji 31
I would report him. It is his job to keep other swimmers safe and that is clearly not his priority when he is at work.
BaconBoy75 2
That's just wrong and a disservice to all swimmers, what he did. Employees who spend more tome trying to get laid versus doing their jobs really tick me off.
KChubs 12
He sounds like the stereotypical douche-bag lifeguard. Seriously, who the **** hires people like that?
akaulitz 3
Every water park you go to. Seriously I didn't get hired and I'm trained, while half the others who were hired weren't at the time of hiring. And they were prettier or for guys they were hot.
DollyDope 17
73- I doubt the (potential/future) lifeguards disclosed that their goal was to get laid, not protect lives, during the hiring process :P 82- Maybe you were too young at the time for the facility you were trying to be hired at. Cause you are pretty so that couldn't have been the problem. :]
seanc722 2
Considering you were able to go 5 minutes without being rescued I am thinking your BSing.. That or it was one massive body of water.
GuyFluteBandGeek 0
I hate lifeguards. So full of themselves. And the girls are usually never hot.
KiddNYC1O 22
Hot or not, they better know and be willing to save a life.
Dmanrock29 1
If you stayed afloat or tread water for 5 minutes you obviously didn't need help and shoulda just swam to the edge
pipc 10
Make a complaint, report him. That's beyond unacceptable.
cajekraze 7
Why is the lifeguard responsible for your weakness. If you aren't drowning, they shouldn't need to get you. You fail at life
THE_A_TEEN 28
A lifeguard is supposed to be there to help swimmers in need. OP has a cramp, the "lifeguard" was flirting with some random woman instead of doing his duties. Also, leg cramps does not equal weakness. You fail at life.
Roflsauruz 12
95- You mean it has absolutely NOTHING to do with how in shape and healthy OP is...?
hqbrat 8
You: HELP ME !!! Lg: *flirting* well that's a nice swim suit.....hold on duty calls Girl: haha ok You: HELP.... Thank goodness finally Lg: dude you are such a cockblock