Today, at dinner, I was talking to my parents about a movie quote. I couldn't remember what movie it was from. Then I remembered. It was a porno. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML
Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, my friends and I were acting out porn scenes without sex. Then, I realized that we all watch too much porn, and we are still all virgins. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML
Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML
Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML
Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother called them "sinners" claiming they'll "burn in hell twice". Then she said, "God doesn't like gays." I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML
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Top comments
Frabens 1
What kind of quote would **** have that could have been brought up at dinner?
Goblin182 27
What was the quote? "Ahhh ahhhh, oh **** I'm cumming?"
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Comments (31)
Frabens 1
What kind of quote would **** have that could have been brought up at dinner?
BestOrginalName 22
OSCAR-QUALITY pornos sure do aid in my spastic spanking-of-the-ferret.
yerawizardlizzy 27
That's what I was wondering. Any dialogue in a porno is typically vapid.
cootiequeen4444 11
They were having kielbasa maybe? "Ohhh yeah, that's a BIG sausage you have. can't wait to take a bite *licks lips*" so yeah... dumb porno talk.. but necessarily irrelevant per se in this potential case.. unless you don't like kielbasa...
ColCyclone 17
"I'm the cook"
aredvulpix 23
Hopefully Dad hasn't seen it!
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
At last! A FML where "That could've happened to me" is funnier than "YDI"! Although of course it couldn't have happened to me. Certainly not! Absolutely not!
Goblin182 27
What was the quote? "Ahhh ahhhh, oh **** I'm cumming?"
BestOrginalName 22
"Dude, the ****? Is there a fly tickling my gaping butthole?"
sturschaedel 27
Now your parents are googling the phrase. They'll know soon.
Lalala579121 28
It'd be even worse if they knew what it was from.
URBeingLied2 23
"You know, that's bad for the paper tray."
kdg08 1
10/10 best friends reference
jonjonguapito 15
"Can you give me a teabag and creampie my pancake and give me the sausage. I love pearls, darling." Is that quote?
claytonface 0
#10, if that wasn't a quote- it certainly will be now! Perhaps better than the original post. Merci!
maharb01 17
must have had some serious production value if it was "dinner table quotable"
RichardPencil 32
You must be watching that fancy **** that fancy people pay money for. The free internet stuff has nothing much beyond "****, yeah. Shit, shit, shit. **** yes!" I'll bet yours has a cool jazz accompaniment, whereas most free **** has nothing! I did see a compilation featuring "Yakity Sax." Kinda ruined the mood.