Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
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Top comments
fleamo_fml 0
And you're POSITIVE she meant 'puter?
aerials_fml 0
Ah, that's pretty funny. Pretty awkward too. FYL.
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Comments (149)
pancakelover 0
Wow #2... I don't know how they do things in Seattle or Canada or wherever you're from, but this FML just got waaaaay too real for me!!
Denno_fml 0
Omfg, this is one of the best FML's ever xD
bbananass 0
that happened to me in 3rd grade. i said 'my dad sleeps with me' and for some reason. me being a dumbass 3rd grader i said 'i had sex with my dad'. wow. i didnt even know what sex was bak then.
kiripsan 0
...LOL! Ouch. Hate it when people think like that.
dkcc1988 0
A similar thing happened to me, one day when my parents were out of town I was babysitting my sister (who was 7 and has autism) and I woke her so she could get ready for school. She didn't want to go, so threw a fit and refused to change out of her pajamas. I had to force her to change. When she got to school she told her teacher that she was mad at me and told the school that I told her to take off her clothes. Later on when I was in class I was paged to the office next thing I know, I was literally being dragged out in cuffs by the State Police and taken to the station where I was questioned for 5 hours while they ran test on my sister to make sure nothing happened. When they found out that nothing happened from the test I was finally released. I didn't even get so much as an apology from that god damn school. Those assholes
alexgisforme3 0
what the **** lol a little weird there ay...
LeftHanded_fml 0
haha, that sucks.
couragewolf9001 0
Why do people feel the need to drag the skeletons out of their closet when a FML entry gets a tad bit touchy?
neverland_fml 0
Teach your stupid little shit to talk. People have this vast misconception that children won't be able to talk like humans early on but really, those little monkies imitate. They imitate the voices they hear and what do they always here, "D'aww, who's a widdle sweetheart? My itty bitty wickle dickle sweet-bun!" and other stupid blather. If you talk like an idiot to a child, they'll learn to speak like an idiot. Talk to them like a human and "computer" won't become "pooter" and be heard as "penis." But, the school shouldn't be automatically jumping to conclusions based on one statement. What if Peter was a childhood stuffed animal he decided to give his child? Shit, everyone's so jumpy and needs to lay the **** off the paranoia pills.
skyttlz 32
#52 I couldn't agree more. my mom baby talks to all babies so she probably did to me. I'm 16 and I've always had a problem enunciating.
jillz 0
and now the seed of doubt *might* be planted in your mind and you *might* find yourself wondering why she'd feel compelled to share information about something as mundane as computer time, since she "keeps saying" and all.... was she frowning when she said it, or smiling? even those simple minded pre-school teachers should know that smiling = computer and frowning = .....