Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
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Top comments
fleamo_fml 0
And you're POSITIVE she meant 'puter?
aerials_fml 0
Ah, that's pretty funny. Pretty awkward too. FYL.
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Comments (149)
theoldGP 0
#13 ... because peter is slang for penis? that's why. anyways this is f your life and your husbands. :D
angelxcollins 0
I like what #59 said about #52. It's very true. My cousin was always corrected for things she said wrong and would just stop trying to say them.
TuRDMaN 0
Wow, this is one of the funniest FMLs I've read... hilarious!
exile529 0
hahah, this is freaking epic.
UncleverName_FYL 0
hey would any of you girls want to play with my puter? it has a pretty big hard drive and has no viruses XD
SummerTime98 0
#2 wtf? Hope you're ok :P awwww she's cute. That's how my nephew says computer too :D
Karnezar 2
I swear to god the nicknames people give guys dicks are so retarded.
beebz_fml 0
ahahhahahahhahahhahahahha "peter" aaahahha "puter" that's hilarious !
CurdledMilk 0
I don't see how anyone could find any humor in this whatsoever. You guys do realize that this man will have to be investigated now? And if they do proceed to legalize him as a sex offender this will follow him (and his family) around for the rest of his life? This isn't humorous at all. I feel really, really bad. It's not the little girls fault -- a lot of kids screw up [on] words. I'm really sorry. D:
Saruh 0
Maybe she does both. #112, get the stick out of your fanny.