Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
rykothechubby 5
That's a 'hard' problem to deal with.
Grand_Cookie 21
Yay! Here come the penis jokes! I just love how original they'll all be.
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Comments (89)
rykothechubby 5
That's a 'hard' problem to deal with.
Sandsh8rk 36
No.
RedPillSucks 33
Yes?
SgtAssCheeks 21
I think so.
\ 28
Perhaps.
KawaiiCupcake 14
Eww
_parth 20
PUN PUN PUNS PUNNY
incoherentrmblr 22
If this is a "head"-ache, I can only imagine how a migraine would be...
tooperfect4you 3
that wasn't very punny
Dodgydaly 11
did you soften her mind
skilova4lifezzz 19
Just no.
caohm 18
what does that even mean?
kickass1954 14
Haha ew
LarissaAllen 10
I guess you'll have a bone to pick with her 'eh?
Ambient25 25
All 3 of you failed
Imhere4fml 24
Just 2.
Ambient25 25
it was 3 at first. #1 had a major comeback
Grand_Cookie 21
Yay! Here come the penis jokes! I just love how original they'll all be.
LanceGoodthrust 19
Here "come" the penis jokes... Haha, good one!
saraitkddh 47
I see what you did there
IloveToLaugh143 21
Me: Teacher! I have a boner and it really hurts! Teacher: Excuse me? What did you just say? Me: You know. The boner that throbs?
sadistmonkey 19
Oh, don't be a dick about it.
ohSNAPyall 27
So! They laugh at my boner, will they?! - The Joker See: http://www.comicbooktidbits.com/BATMAN%20BATTLES%20JOKER.htm
Rohit281 13
Why didn't the teacher manage to convince her that she's wrong? Toddlers generally believe their teachers more than their peers..
Blastoid 13
it wouldn't be much of Fml, if it was a toddler.. I would assume the daughter to be old enough to know what a boner is.. if she was indeed that young.. op shouldn't care much..
ViRepz 28
She could be in high school?
sarcasticlover 30
if she was in high school I'm pretty sure she knew what a boner means!
saraitkddh 47
I bet explaining this to her would be awkward regardless of whom ever is gonna do it
thrifting 18
I asked what an ****** was in eighth grade science class. I honestly didn't know. Sheltered child..
macelonel 26
there are really stupid girls in high school.
sarcasticlover 30
haha! something to laugh at when she grows up :-P
tygerarmy 35
What's wrong with you having a lady boner?
Bostern 29
I can't tell if this would be worse if you had a son instead.
mangobbler 11
This is a confusing scenario. Sometimes kids hear stuff god knows where. Good luck with this issue, OP, and just to be safe, be careful with what you say around the kid. Who knows if she learned that from you. xD
SoliDSt33L 33
Mangobbler, did you read the FML? Her fellow students told her the word and the false definition. As far as we know, OP told her daughter nothing. I'm starting to wonder exactly how old OP's daughter is.
mangobbler 11
Damn, I did read that wrong. Thanks for the heads up. My bad. So yeah, one could say kids will be kids, but there is a limit. A small punishment could be useful here, but it is said that it is more effective when you catch the perpetrator on the spot, figuratively speaking...
IworkAt711 14
Why would you punish a kid for saying a word that they didn't know the real definition to?
mangobbler 11
I am talking about punishing the kids who mislead OP's daughter.
WellImScrewed124 6
Those kids are just nasty. Maybe they need a lesson on behavior
Ambient25 25
How is a "boner" nasty?
AntiPrude 26
@11 You think the word 'boner' is nasty? Wow lol, someone was homeschooled..