Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
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Top comments
donutboy 0
"Wanna ride my mommy's new penis?" XD
BLNovelist 0
Gotta love children's pronunciations. :o
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Comments (95)
niemann2006 0
fake, just like all the other fml's like this. ex. lebanese american- lesbian; and much more
chveya 6
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iKaite 0
Pedobear seal of approval!
alex_vik 1
Holy shit that is awesome.
TheLittlestNinja 0
YDI for getting a Prius
edthered 0
Best. Reply. Ever.
smorgasm 0
YDI for getting the national "im a bitch" car.
darkmagshin 0
>>this also, if you were driving a prius there is a good chance your 'wife' has a penis as well.
BLNovelist 0
Gotta love children's pronunciations. :o
luckyyyy 0
funny silly troll
frikkinhannah 0
Haha, yeah. "Mommy's new penis is HUGE!"
mozeltov 7
I wouldn't exactly call a prius "huge"
Applesarefum 9
62 "She brags about it to all her friends!"
chveya 6
Well, she could have said "my mommy got a new boytoy and they have sex in my bed"; it's another common mispronunciation of Prius. Be GLAD.
the_commentator 0
you just made my day. :D
ZaneAnTy 0
mine too
randomdude1234 0
You do drive a prius so it wouldn't be surprising if you had gotten a new penis. Not saying anything bad about prius drivers, well actually I am. Pansies!
safirestar09 0
Keep that crap to yourself. Just because you don't like a certain car doesn't mean the rest of us actually care.
No_LoveMM 3
Keep that crap to yourself...... Just because you don't like the fact that someone else doesn't like a certain car means the rest of us actually care...
Butterbuns 1
So? Just correct people, and teach your kid the proper way to pronounce it.
octopussperm125 18
Yeah, it's a blue penis, she needs to specify
ToXicDoLL_fml 0
Aww thats so cute. -cough- not. But thats weird that she would talk to you about that.
donutboy 0
"Wanna ride my mommy's new penis?" XD
seni_rita 0
WIN.
jessica_x3 0
Awh, hahah. xD
cerealjunkie0 0
That reminds me of a time when i was little and i was visiting my aunt in her new condominium. When my mom called it condo, and I asked her why they didnt just call it a condom for short. lol thats just what kids do sometimes.....
Kristoffer 35
FYL for owning a Prius.
Neonnight 0
What is a Prius?
DaDezza244 31
Toyota Prius, the well known hybrid. Google it
DaDezza244 31
oh lol X'D
synchroskater16 12
Laughing in your face as this Prius driver here gets her car for over ten years with no issues at all, and 50 mpg.