Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
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Top comments
fleamo_fml 0
And you're POSITIVE she meant 'puter?
aerials_fml 0
Ah, that's pretty funny. Pretty awkward too. FYL.
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Comments (149)
Jigga_PaNG 0
Hahaha #14! Its true, and #2, i'm sure it was traumatizing and what not, my heart's with ya=) and OP, that SERIOUSLY sux, FY family's L
Jade_Rothwell 0
#32, it has happened.. but not these days and who would think a preschooler would know that outdated slang? .. But that does suck.. tho I agree with # 15 .... and # 23 is a dick
shoegal808 0
#23.. You're kinda sick
philadelphianus 0
this isn't funny! my best friend's dad was wrongly accused of being a child molester and it ruined his life. he was some fancy brain doctor and now he works for a truck company.
alexgisforme3 0
OMG LOOOL
Authoress 0
*Hugs #2* I know what you're going through. My dad molested me when I was a kid. I know that for others the this FML might be funny, and on some level maybe it is. But for someone with my background, it's hard to see humor in it. OP, hope that all gets straightened out for you. And now, if I may, a plug: If you or a loved one are or were a victim of rape, molestation, sexual assault or sexual abuse, www.pandys.org is a forum where you can chat with other survivors. The site also has tons of valuable resources to help you heal and find some measure of peace.
fallenGRACEE 0
This actually happened about 17 yrs ago with my brother and it was said to the babysitter. Of course the sitter knew what he meant, but she did pull my mother aside to let her know he said the exact same words as your daughter did. It is funny because WE know, but it sucks all the same because of what you have to go through. I hope it gets taken care of quickly!
stinkybutt 0
hahahahahahah. well you should just have the teachers ask her what a 'peter' is and then she'll point to a computer and then its all good!
DBJ740 0
He probably is. And with a name like "Mindy", who knows what she'll turn out to be.
cxal_fml 0
Guys, take the time to read the post before you comment. She said that she got a call from her child's SCHOOL. If the school had automatically jumped to the child molester accusation, she wouldn't have gotten a call from the school - she would have gotten a call from the police, and she would have had to temporarily sign her daughter's custody over to another family member, or have both her and her husband sign a paper waiving all parental rights if they allowed her husband any contact with her daughter while the incident was being investigated. Use a little common sense before you jump all over the school for something that obviously didn't happen