Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I received a text from a man my wife had an affair with, in which he stated that my 18 year-old daughter is biologically his. He then sent me pictures of her that my wife had sent to him. FML
Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML
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Top comments
MissAwesomeness 4
damn kids are so truthful. fyl. sorry.
aaronmk 7
she must be one clever little girl
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Comments (56)
LaitsGo 0
an ass.
rups 0
wat? ur 4 year old daughter knew more than u???
rarrar51 0
give that kid a lollipop, and give that man a big middle finger.
LoveCali 0
How Do I Send Messages To People And See My Mesdages.?.?I Know it's A Stupid Question But I Reallyy Wanna Know.
Jimster1712 0
dont quite understand whats going on. someone explain it to me?
bmore225 0
Read the rest of the comments genius.
fatgirllovesfml 0
the father should have bribed the kid with candy!
ChantelRenaeee 0
what*your*you* Seriously, use proper grammar. And apparently she does know more than OP. Kids tend to snoop easily.
ChantelRenaeee 0
And get away with it.
Pownzeez 0
people need to stop teling other people on fml to use proper grammar because no one ever listens and its f**king annoying when i see people trying to correct others, this isn't english class. go read a book if u want to see proper grammar.
ChantelRenaeee 0
I'm SORRY I have OCD. I can't help it.
dorux1897 0
Why does she go to the phone company? Can't she just delete the phone history from her phone?
awaywiththefairi_fml_fml 8
Yeah Right! Dumbass!
JawneeG 0
she means to get his text history, because her daughter, the sneaky minx found out her father.
PurpleRae420 0
No he shouldve bribed her with money or presents like barbies or something that wouldve kept her mouth shut
HubertPL 0
all of you are ******* retarded and need to stop bitching about other peoples grammar. Get a life
ChickenInMyKitch 4
WHAT #2 SAID WAS GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT NOW EVERYONE STFU. if you said something about spelling then okay you'd be correct, but come on it's the internet, everyone's gonna try to use the internet slang of the word.....
rallets 23
**** grammer, ***** overrated
Jenna_Tell_Yuh 0
how does having OCD make you correct people on the Internet?? can't you control what you type?
rups 0
seriously? 40 thumbs down only cuz my comment is on the top? everyone knows what I meant and if you don't you are stupid... #70- you or your? how stupid can you be? u is for you, ur is for your and u r (notice there a space in between) is for you are... weirdo...and FYI my English and English grammar is much better than yours... #48- I meant OP's 4 year old daughter who is really young to figure all this out, knew her dad had a gf and OP didn't ... it could be because she was busy cheating too or was just too ignorant...
rups 0
sorry I meant 44 not 48..
MissAwesomeness 4
damn kids are so truthful. fyl. sorry.
MissAwesomeness 4
...sometimes
AsianCookie247 14
That happens quite often to most people. kids say it all.
coolwhiplova 1
Ya you can't tell them secrets either
dolphincheddar 10
kids can't keep secrets. and it's better u find out now. sooner the better u can ditch his ass before he does for the 3rd wheel
aaronmk 7
she must be one clever little girl
AmberlovesJb 0
Your divorcing right?
DudeImBetter 0
you mean "you're"
caaamilleeee 0
honestly? who cares if someone writes 'your' instead of 'you're'. jesus. this isn't a grammatical correction site.
caaamilleeee 0
if it was, i'd tell you "you mean 'You mean you're ' not 'you mean you're '".
Cupcaken 0
I think you're mistaken. This is nothing but a grammar correcting site.
kingtz 6
49, everybody should care. Incorrect use of contractions and possessive pronouns can totally change the meaning of a sentence. Besides, it also distinguishes the educated from the lazy and inadequately educated.
Aoifexzx 3
Yes! Sure not using capital letters is the difference between "helping your uncle Jack off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse" .
JustinThunder 8
Who said anything about capital letters?
Fruit_Dealer 9
Also applies to caps as seen in these popular sentences : "I'm helping Uncle Jack off a horse." & "I'm helping Unce jack off a horse."
Fruit_Dealer 9
...and of course I didn't see comment 88. Well see it as an "easier to read" version.
pandabearsmiles 0
But reading a sentance "Let's eat, Grandma." and reading "Let's eat Grandma." really DOESN'T make a difference. If you understood it well enough to correct them, it's highly likely that everyone else can understand what they mean as well. And just because someone doesn't want to waste time making absolutely sure that every single thing they ever type on FML or other sites is 100% grammatically correct, doesn't make them lazy or uneducated. You correcting them all the time isn't going to make them care, or keep them from doing it again, so just get over it.
69_jackson_69 0
That example... Could make us either cannibalistic killers, or nice kids who eat with our grandmother. Needless to say, that example is pretty bad.
bamxitsxandreaa 8
everyone that's saying there's no difference with the word "your" and "you're"..there is; so stop being lazy and just do it right..god dammit. smh -.-
HubertPL 0
all of you need to shut the **** up about grammar you are ruining the comments section. don't be mad that youhave a shitty job no life and your going no where in life.
rallets 23
fuckk grammer, im eating grandma :D
teresa96706 29
glad she told you than you walking in on it.
princess_ella 0
it's definitely better this way than walking in on it...
bubblekitty 1
at least u found out the truth. I'm sorry :(
JennaAnnevdgvf 0
I see a divorce in yur future../:
rubyredringpop 0
Hopefully.
cldean24 4
Divorce in due time. First, I would make life at home not so easy. Cook dinner for you and the child "Oh honey, I forgot about you coming home. It's like you have another family!" Scrub the toilet with his toothbrush. You have some time >:)
doggiemcwoofwoof 2
thumbs up for call girls but no "once there dead there hockers"
WompWompWomp123 7
What's a hocker?
VitaLp 14
Appalling spelling & grammar aside - Archer?
Deeznutzhairy 7
did you know psn is working again. ;D