Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML
Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML
Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML
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Top comments
mister_moops 0
lol. did they bite?
netbeui435 3
scary.
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Comments (101)
Subjectzero 0
ydi for being a Pansy.
arachne 0
Hey, Texas squirrels are aggressive! They will chase you and they have little claws. Maybe they won't cause lasting bodily damage, but it is scary when one comes after you. I am surprised the dogs didn't chase them away though. A note about Texan language: people from different areas of Texas speak differently. Some really do have a strong accent and use word like "reckon," "ain't," and "y'all," while others (particularly from more urban areas) don't. Another commenter said they knew well-educated Texans who pronounced words differently than in other areas of the country. Not sure if that was an insult, but if so: if they are well-educated, why does it matter? People from different regions grow up with different pronunciations, accents, and word choices. It doesn't mean someone is less intelligent. Also, since English lacks a way to distinguish between the singular and plural "you," "y'all" nicely fills a linguistic gap :)
plexico 4
When I mentioned the linguistic differences, I wasn't being insulting. I like all those phrases I pointed out and use them. I totally agree about y'all, except when someone uses it to refer to a single person. That's disconcerting. I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could! That's a bumper sticker, and my resume! ;)
arachne 0
Excellent!
mopho 0
Y'all is used as the singular by some Texans, actually. Plural would be all y'all. :P
plexico 4
I just remember the first time a Texan asked me, "How y'all doing?" looking around to see who else he was talking to.
DameGreyWulf 1
Haha, friend of mine was randomly assaulted by a squirrel. Funny shit. Everyone, it's a leeeeettle difficult to combat a squirrel. Buggers move like you wouldn't believe. It usually is just best to bail, unless you have a gun or something. But why were you chasing them because they were bothering your dog? You mean they were literally pestering/biting him, or was the dog just barking at them?
alwaysalady 0
I totally know this guy, big burly dude, who is absolutely drop dead terrified of squirrels. Like scream like a girl scared, cuz a giant ass squirrel chased him once.
Buzzetta 0
You have angry squirrels that probably have rabies and are now going to be territorial and stop at nothing until you are gone.
aireun 0
wow what a pussy squirrels are really easy to kill. and if they have rabies, they're even easier to kill, cause they lack their sense of self preservation. so i find it pretty sad that you ran from a few rodents that are hardly the size of the average woman's foot
FMLROCKSMASOCKS 0
ARE YOU THAT ******* STUPID?
blinddate 0
Lol! Fyl, but that so made me laugh.
nazrew 0
get your dogs to attack the squirlls thats wat i would do
soccerchick02 3
ahahahahhaha, i rofl'd xDD fyl, indeed. [squirrels are extremely evil]