Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML
Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML
Today, there’s been birds nesting in my wall since mid winter. They’ve recently started scratching at the wall as if they wanted to get through. This morning, they made their entrance. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, after having a 3-day vacation and feeling a bit bummed that it was over, I got home to find a black widow watching her babies hatch in my office window. FML
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Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
Angry birds IRL.
Zebediabolical 45
Get the pigs to help you out!
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Comments (80)
Pleonasm 36
It's Birdemic all over again! Watch out for the explosive acid divebombs, and remember to use your coathanger wisely.
sux4u121 10
Hitchcock would be proud.
HowAreYouToday 34
Angry birds IRL.
Zebediabolical 45
Get the pigs to help you out!
skittlestrailmix 14
Those are probably mocking birds. Those are vicious. My friend had to call animal control because of them.
ironichalibut 24
Yessss, as soon as the pigs steal their eggs, they shall be distracted. That is when you shall strike. HsssSssSssSsss.
HowAreYouToday 34
I don't know what's going on, but to clarify as clarity is obviously needed, IN ANGRY BIRDS YOU SHOOT BIRDS WITH PIGS. Thank you for your time . Capt. Obvious, out.
da_directioner39 17
You shoot pigs with birds, not the other way around. So unless we are distracting the birds, I don't know how the pigs would help. I also don't know where one could possibly find green pigs.
HowAreYouToday 34
By golly you're right. I didn't notice my mistake. I'm so ashamed.
Shmatterhorn 38
Time to call Animal Control. There might be a slight problem if the nest has eggs in it, though.
nieldan 8
Kiil 'em before it lays eggs!
theboy13 13
Try moving it without harming the nest, put it in a tree or somewhere else, if there's eggs, then be really careful
Shmatterhorn 38
I would recommend asking the local Animal Control to do that. They're better equipped to do that.
ohjoy15 33
Through telekinesis? OP can't get within five feet of the nest without being attacked.
lilhellian 27
Don't bird leave the nest if you touch it?
ArielTheMermaid 17
14, that's just a myth
AngrySailor 17
#7 did you write that on your Mac book pro while drinking a $12 Starbucks coffee? Do you or have you lived in a rural setting? Move the ******* nest. It's YOUR house, not the birds. It won't harm a thing if you place it in a proper setting. FML for having read your stupidity.
Joe9024 20
Just when I though all hope was lost, 46 comes up with a simple solution to an easy problem. Animal control? C'mon.
not_a_robot 15
You have to show the birds who the boss is, OP. So just give them a shit ton of paperwork and make them work weekends. They will learn real soon, I assure you.
malheartsnutmeg 20
I use to have a pair of doves do this on my porch. As mean as it sounds - remove the best or they'll keep returning yearly.
malheartsnutmeg 20
Oops, just noticed - that should be nest.
ironichalibut 24
Yes, remove the best, and the worst will follow. :)
klutz44 28
I had barn swallows on my porch. After removing the nest (no eggs) I had to put up barriers to keep them from building a new one. And by "me" I mean "my husband" because I'm deathly afraid of birds.
malheartsnutmeg 20
Yeah #49, took me 3 years of destroying their nest and blocking the area before they got the message.
Joshwarrior 39
49 I recommend you watch the movie birds. They are so cute there, and you will never be afraid again.
lishajoy777 14
You sir, are a meanie pants. Dont do it 49 Dont do it!
Joshwarrior 39
Awe lisha you spoiled the fun. :( lol
Joshwarrior 39
lisha * spell check
perdix 31
Badminton racquet. Designed for swatting birdies (or shuttlecocks ;) )
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Birdie, you say? A golf club would do the trick too.
Dr_Rambo 5
shoot 'em
JenkJenks 6
Elizabeth
iAlissa 34
No... Just no. Those are living creatures. They're just protective parents. Shooting them is the worst possible thing to do.
PiNkMoOn 9
it's beautiful that you have a piece of nature in your room!
Zemmiphobia 11
Except it isn't in OPs room.
PiNkMoOn 9
sorry,my wrong
DKjazz 20
Ever heard the expression, "Two birds, one stone"? Guess it's time find a stone.