Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Today, I realized I agreed to go to the gym with my fiancé after being on my feet at work all day because he wants to get fit, but he will not help me remodel the house I’m working on so we can have a bigger place to live, because he doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want or need to go to the gym. FML
Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML
Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML
Today, I've always been a healthy person with a normal body and average BMI. My husband is a fitness freak with a super body. When I expressed interest in starting working out, he laughed at me and said, "Trust me, you're not the fitness kind. I've tried." What hurt me most is that it's true. FML
Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
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Top comments
eddeeezzyy 19
Well, if it does happen...contact me! I have loads of Ak-47s! Best damn assault rifle out there! :D
MagicGiraffe 12
Let's all act like we know something about guns because we play COD!
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Comments (189)
pmadNess 16
EPIC!!!
ebonyirony 29
You don't play around with zombies. Where are you going? I'm going to Cabelas
brenkite 5
Don't hole up in a department store, no matter what the merchandise, grab your supplies and move on
SkoomaKi 28
I suggest buying some knives and guns, that'll get him started working. When he starts to earn money, you can spend it on upgrading your house. Eventually you'll have a fortress and a working husband. If he doesn't work, feed him to the zombies.
HelloChrissy 9
Don't forget about upgrading a van into a moving fortress.
whostolemylama 12
Put treadmills outside your outside house. Encasing it on all sides. Problem solved. At least, something i would do instead of being drastic...like working out...
metalwolf 17
Good idea, when the zombies come all you have to do is turn them around. Maybe you can use them to generate electricity when the power eventually goes out. Just watch for teeth and arms when you go out to plug them in.
brenkite 5
The power will go out, what then, I suggest an ethanol generator, moonshine has more than one use.
snowfox_fml 10
Have fun :)
mrtjawesome 14
you should put a radio behind him and play zombie sounds.
Fmlsea 28
you didn't marry him for his brains obviously :P
Zomg_Okay 27
That's just another advantage. They'll leave him alone so she doesn't have to worry about him when he goes out scavenging.
MikeMikeTheAzn 3
Actually not a bad excuse... Now if you'll excuse me, I need to snort some bathe salts
pmadNess 16
Or smoke bath salts... More destructive effect!
jkillz_it 7
Seems legit...
Enslaved 38
Tell him hurry up! July 7th are the previews for "The Walking Dead" season 3!!! (:
Tempest559 12
It's a fine line between paranoid and prepared. Walk it carefully my friend.