Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML
Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML
Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for a sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML
Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML
Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML
Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML
Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him that I had none, he yelled angrily, "Who comes to this city without money?" I replied, "Apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML
Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML
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Top comments
CrassKal 27
I honestly would've punched him.
jordantiner 0
He sounds pissed.. ;)
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Comments (132)
CrassKal 27
I honestly would've punched him.
RaggleFrock 13
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on...oh snap
ICastillo 25
Ya **** ya I would if beat the shit out of him.....well I would of tried homeless people are crazy.
trollfaced 2
I would've punched him AND told him to go make his own money
YayorNay 8
The guy asked for money while you were taking a shit...
nemo88 8
Just be lucky he didn't eat your face off!
Zimmington 21
Then I would say piss on him but Ye probably already smells
YoungMisfit 9
What!? You guys don't like golden showers???
ripresno 10
59 look at my comment on number two, you might learn something…
Calyx_fml 22
Don't ever punch a homeless person. If you split your knuckle open on their jaw you can get HIV or HepC. Kick him in the nuts instead.
SuperKnuckels 6
you should've Bear Gryll'd his ass and make him drink his own piss.
ClassyCommando 13
If a homeless guy did that to me, I'd help buy him a house...and then burn it the **** down.
tjv3 10
You should have came out of the stall like a rabid howler monkey on crack and kicked his ass. Oh and go get tested for infections
downtime 13
I think honestly you'd be too stunned to move, and he would have run his malnourished ass off. Really though, even though this is something I'd definitely agree you should be prepared to fight someone over, there's no way you'd even be able to process what the hell happened for at least 10 seconds.
jordantiner 0
He sounds pissed.. ;)
thejewishfuhrer 17
Ehhhhh, I don't know how I feel about this pun.
speshlk37 13
At least he didn't eat your face off.
ripresno 10
64 It wasn't a homeless guy that ate the face off of someone else it was just your everyday crazed dude on bath salts : )
nemo88 8
88- SHUT THE **** UP, I am sorry I didn't read your comment!
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
87-The dude wasn't on bath salts. The only thing in his system was marijuana. No LSD, no acid, no bath salts. Just pot.
stonessm 2
Don't you listen to the news? The homeless guy who ate the mans face was on bath salts. He was seriously ****** up.
trevishere 7
I heard it was a seriously contagious virus?
nemo88 8
97- are we Talking about Miami or FML?
tatianamaries 12
better pee than poop..
daner10 5
He must of been in a pissy mood. Sorry guys
uberdubers 3
That joke has already been made.
therealslim 15
The comments were both posted at the same time At least this guy said sorry!
TrollPolice 0
You should be sorry for using a word like pissy.
ALpein 0
You must have really pissed him off.
zachherbert 10
Don't piss off homeless people. They have nothing to lose.
Purplefluff 6
So...many....PUNS!!!!!
ALpein 0
The first three were written in the same second. Mine a second after. I don't see why people are complaining 'the joke was already made' since we all did it at the same time. You people are so fickle.
downtime 13
That's the chance you take when you post a comment that is going to be hated by everyone and overused like crazy. If you can't take the criticism, don't post it.
whostolemylama 12
He's a good businessman. Urine helps your face glow. He was doing you service. Hobo has to earn your money somehow, ya know?
blaackandprouud 20
What that ****..?
bethcox 4
Ok no, just no.
TrollPolice 0
5 - Just wondering does your face glow?
rayrayray23 1
You should have acted like you totally liked when he did that, confuse the pee out of him.
rayrayray23 1
Good thing you fixed your spelling mistakes, you could've got attacked by grammar nazi's xD
steviemc 2
Nazis* The apostrophe is unnecessary.
rayrayray23 1
Thanks Stevie, wonder why I didn't think of that.
TylerBurden 21
Wow that's rude and disgusting. Try to wash your hair in the bathroom with some soap. And yes, I would have punched him probably.
DogsPaw 16
Think the urine was better than whatever comes out of those sinks... Keep believing it's water.
YoTengoTomatoes 7
I'm not saying that the homeless man had good reasoning, but if you think about it, that was probably the millionth time he's heard that excuse of someone saying they had no money. Op was just lucky enough to be the one to push the homeless man over the top to react like this.
DracoSpirita 21
49 - Or unlucky, in this case.
thgiL 9
49- so because people aren't giving there hard earned money op gets punished?
rcgirl2 11
If that were me, I would've beat the piss out of that homeles man.
ohSNAPyall 27
...thus arming him for round 2.
TrollPolice 0
I cracked up so much when I saw your comment 57.
RydeOrDie 7
Sounds like an R. Kelly song.
rcgirl2 11
And in what song does R Kelly sing about how he was using the bathroom and a homeless guy poured pee on his head?
ambamm135 7
The one he sang whilst peeing on that young girl.
stronghand0331 17
R. Kelly would've liked it
racerapj 10
Yea R. Kelly would of liked it... On a girl.
ilm350 7
I'm so sorry :( that really sucks, I don't know why people say ydi fyl
DogsPaw 16
Did you pour the piss on OP? Why are you sorry?
Quinn32 16
Ok I have looked past this a lot of times but I just can't anymore...what is with all these people who have never seemed to have heard of sympathy? It seems any time somebody tries to be sympathetic by saying they are sorry they get attacked for not being the person who was actually an asshole to the OP. Sorry for my rant.
ilm350 7
Thanks Quinn32 I was going to explain to 47 about my comment but why should I? Glad there's still nice people out there :)