Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML
Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML
Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML
Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML
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Top comments
GeekMaster6000 3
wow. Someone should beat some sense into that kid.
wazzup182FML 3
pick up his shit and rub it in his face!
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Comments (234)
klovemachine 24
he needs to respect your authority!
kippyco 6
hah yea
DivineGarden 0
Southpark is ftw.
sterlingarcher 1
ahahaha south park is amazing!!! :D
GalacticOtterFed 0
#47, your nose is not so amazing. Just thought you'd like to know
sterlingarcher 1
61...wtf?? that's so rude
GalacticOtterFed 0
Then don't take close up pics of your huge ass nose and use it as a display picture
GalacticOtterFed 0
And your creepy bug eyes and smile don't impress me either, wear a paper bag next time
elemont 0
#61 you can't be serious... I definitely don't think that is his personal pic because if it is, that means he is Jim Carrey.
sterlingarcher 1
65...stfu..
elemont 0
Eh what can you do.
PurpleRae420 0
61, 64, 65 YOUR A DICK AND UR PRETTY UGLY TO SO GO SUCK A BIG PHAT DICK U PIECE OF SHIT DONT MAKE FUN OF HER I HAPPEN TO THINK SHES GORGEOUS!!! SAY WHAT U WANT ABOUT ME IDGAFF BUT LEAVE HER ALONE U **** NUGGET
sterlingarcher 1
72.. thanks... and it's not like I'm trying to impress anybody.. so why be a bitch?
bubbywaldo 0
galacticotterfed, you're mean, and mean people suck. why would you insult a perfectly nice cute girl? if you keep that up, people will poop on your doorstep. plus you will never get laid. girls you deem cute enough will pass you over for someone nice.
sterlingarcher 1
that was intended for 65..
GalacticOtterFed 0
#72 You're* not even gonna bother with the rest, I'm quite proud of the way I look, and I still get laid every night, sterling sdfu you plastic surgeon reject, you remind me of the hamster in Bedtime Stories Bugsy and that's an insult to his cuteness
sterlingarcher 1
76... yeah ok keep telling yourself that...and I've never had plastic surgery!!!! ah your sooo stupid!!!
GalacticOtterFed 0
#74, far from cute, i'm a makeup artist I work with some fine babes, sick of seeing her ugly face all over the site she comments on everything, figured I'd comment on her
sterlingarcher 1
78.. you are such a liar.. god I bet you've never had a girlfriend
GalacticOtterFed 0
#77 you really haven't had plastic surgery? I feel sorry for ya honey, bridge is thatta way, take my carefactor of 0 and see if it will make a safe landing for you
bubbywaldo 0
well to be that mean you're sure compensating for some giant flaw, and I'm guessing it's not giant.
sterlingarcher 1
82... think whatever you want but I don't really care what you think
GalacticOtterFed 0
oh and #77 you're dumb ass lol
sterlingarcher 1
85.. lol I bet the only reason you trash people is because your trying to feel better about yourself, but dont worry it's not working on me... so why don't you just move on to someone else now ..
GalacticOtterFed 0
#88, when someone as ugly as you comes along I'll move on, if you were smart you would have shut your mouth and realized all your comments get thumbed to bits while mine rain supreme over your giant nose, just gtfo this site and stop commenting on every god damn thing unless you have something half worth reading to contribute.
insidejokeswithm 0
91-it's "reign" and um look in a mirror,bud.i bet you have cankles...or maybe the smallest dick in the world.anyway sterling's comments are throwbacks,throwing back that litter shit that comes outta your mouth.so stfu and syd.enjoy it too.
amadais 1
i cant believe i actiually read that dumb fight
GalacticOtterFed 0
#94 we're typing not talking, thanks for the correction too, and um worlds smallest still produced your ungrateful ass, you are so grounded for this mister. That's right who's your daddy? it's okay this will all get wiped when the mods are done looking it over anyways so might as well have fun with it while I can ^.^
sterlingarcher 1
98.. your comebacks are soo irritating and stupid ..
insidejokeswithm 0
...so you can still correct ppl when they are wrong?just stfu already,dude. you are making a foil of yourself by responding the second a new comment is made.your comebacks are shit.and you are a baca caba. try googling that.
staceysgenesis16 0
98.. i just want to know why your dumbass decided to come on here and talk shit about her picture. she can do whatever the **** she wants. and your picture isnt really that impressive either. your a ******* joke. dumb piece of shit. you write long comebacks to make yourself feel smarter dont you? all of what you said shows that you are a heartless little boy that has a 2 inch penis and most likely has never had a girlfriend. now run along and get a life.
Flutist 3
How rude can you be. Who cares how big or small someone's nose is? If she is a nice person then she is beautiful. Looks fade and then you just end up a terrible, ugly old person. Any claim you make--about being with hot chicks and being a make-up artist--is not going to be believed. No one can see what you look like on here and even if they did, your comments are what they take from this and they are ugly, nasty comments. Instead of wasting your energy being an asshole and a troll, why don't you work on your large ego. Also, the angle that she is taking the picture is known to make people's noses look bigger.
GeekMaster6000 3
wow. Someone should beat some sense into that kid.
iLazy 0
Yea show him who is BOSS. The next time he does that, you hide somewhere and when he has positioned himself, you kick him in the face
bluebell707 13
lol I just watched that episode!
insidejokeswithm 0
me too!:)!
TheWindowLicker 13
Me three!! And @ #1, I don't think beating a kid is ever really the answer....
sweetazz05 0
lmao... fyl
saaaalt 4
he's nine & he watches south park? .... Good going mom! -.-
RainbowHeadache 2
KICK THE BABY.
Suchagoonnn 4
just get a guard dog like a pit bull. or maybe you could scramble his brains with a .44 and say it was self defense.
ihatecake 0
south park is immature and gross
Hayman68 4
That episode was on right before this was posted and the kid in the FML is the same age as the kids on South Park? This post sounds fake.
rangermedic77 5
respect my authour-a-ty!
uomealot1 0
did you move!?
squishy01 0
Put up an eletric fence
TurnpikeTwister 0
You should wait with a power washer, blast his shit along with smart ass right off the front porch, kills two birds with one stone...
stoopkid911 0
that is the funniest shit ever!!!
thedisturbedone5 0
someone plays too much call of duty
Imabigbeast 5
your neighbors kid thinks Cartman's advice is good??? wtf??
Imabigbeast 5
I swear, cartman has all the best lines.
HarrietPotter239 0
155 I see what you did there.
edogy 0
134- you should change your picture. He looks like a fun guy. you're not.(ps everybody check out his name
Futacy 30
156- I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were #2's mom.
cadillacgal79 32
134-South Park is pretty funny actually.
rarrar51 0
hahaha, cool kid. but seriously, why are you even letting him watch that show at 9? that's where kids develop bad habits.
Mirorbo 27
He's not their kid... Read it again.
lucas755 1
Like pooping on doorsteps.
nunsrtight69 0
my question is how does a 9 year old take a shut every single day.
Flutist 3
You could say he is *Puts on sunglasses* a regular!
notsocrazee 0
what...?
sematariux 7
lmao flutist you win
Futacy 30
OP's not letting him watch that show, the kid's parents are.
XXizzlerXX 0
I love southpark!:)
ihatecake 0
well 185 you're living proof they all do. (TROLL FACE :D)
wazzup182FML 3
pick up his shit and rub it in his face!
AlterrOnmi 0
I think pushing his face in it and rubbing it in well work better
TheSnakeDoctor 0
Screw you guys, I'm going home!
anonymous100000 17
or contact the parents and if it doesn't stop then call the police...
cheesecakex 5
Whoa. Shows how wild some kids can be these days. You know you should have just hid and waited for him while holding a baseball bat and scared the shit out of him (no pun intended). And who the hell lets their 9 year old son watch South Park?
Fuk_Your_Life 2
Agreed. That would be great to see on video!
menacingsprite 3
This. Would. Be. EPIC!
kenyrabit 25
Nice. All while screaming "Respect my AuthoriTa!"
Nightslasher606_fml 5
YOU SHOULD RESPECT HIS AUTHORITAH! But seriously, the shows rated TV-MA for a reason. Just because the kids in the show are 9, doesn't mean that he should be watching it at 9. You should really talk to your neighbors about him watching it, and what he does and doesn't repeat from the show. Unless, of course, your neighbors are the type of people who think their son is perfect and does nothing wrong. Then, you're screwed.
CAPTmok 7
OP isn't screwed if he decides to fight fire with fire....
ritbbehindu 0
lol win #13
tada1234 0
then you can crap in a bag, put it on their porch and light it on fire like in Billy Madison
Brittaneyyy 0
*7 I've pretty much have been watching that show for as long as I can remember n I've come just fine it's not the shows maybe it's the maturity or the lessons the parents instill in their child
IscoreOnU 19
Well it's probably because of the kids in the show. Monkey see monkey do.
EmreArslan 11
Err he isnt screwed, you should visit your neughbours and when they're not around take a crap in that ******* bed. That'll show him :p
docscientist 10
You should up the ante, and make it specific by smearing yours all over his window.
CitrusGirl 0
The best thing to do in this situation would be to take a leaf from Cartman's book. Use his strategy from the Scott Tenormsn Must Die episode. Make the kid eat his own parents. Now that's what I call revenge!
CitrusGirl 0
*Tenorman
peppermintstick 0
That is my very favorite South Park episode! 'Tears of unfathomable sadness... they're so salty!'
TheSnakeDoctor 0
Or get a horse to bite the kids penis off!
Xxak907xX 0
win^
BountyBass 13
I gotta try that!
BigJay13 0
Put bear traps in your garden ;)
copycat148 0
Then put candy in the traps
Blueglasscup 18
I think he's right though.