Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML
Today, if I don't do work around the house, my girlfriend will call me a lazy pig and yell at me. If I do, she will yell because I didn't do it the right way. If I ask her to clarify the right way, she will call me a dumbass, give useless instructions, and work herself up into yelling at me. FML
Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML
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Top comments
jwrin373 7
Just tell her "that's cute now GO MAKE A ******* SANDWICH "
CanadiAnM8 24
You should tell her to stop yelling as it is annoying you and to stop arguing with your god damn opinon.
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Comments (124)
Dinonick 15
Hipsters man. They will **** your day up. Just like my my morning yesterday
joopjoop 19
make your own sandwiches??
gilliaga73 18
WTF? "make a sandwich" is offensive to her, but "****" isn't? That's messed up.
elle1112011 2
Sandwiches are ******* good tell her to shut up
Eivana 37
Don't apologize.
jtfrisch 22
Stop posting FML's and make me a sandwhich.
leogachi 15
I don't think they got the joke.
Anubis_81 21
Make her a sandwich, maybe that'll shut her mouth.
perdix 31
Tell her you overheard two cute guys saying they'd like to "make a sandwich" out of her. Then, be a sexist **** and refuse to tell her their names.
Sweet_Meli 11
It's cool that she has strong opinions, but you shouldn't feel like you can't talk about certain things or even say something as simple as " make me a sandwich" . You are roommates, you don't have to be the best of friends but at the same time you shouldn't feel disrespected.
LegolasPrincess 10
You shouldn't apologize to her, she's just being a fake feminist bitch.