Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML
Today, if I don't do work around the house, my girlfriend will call me a lazy pig and yell at me. If I do, she will yell because I didn't do it the right way. If I ask her to clarify the right way, she will call me a dumbass, give useless instructions, and work herself up into yelling at me. FML
Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML
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Top comments
jwrin373 7
Just tell her "that's cute now GO MAKE A ******* SANDWICH "
CanadiAnM8 24
You should tell her to stop yelling as it is annoying you and to stop arguing with your god damn opinon.
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Comments (124)
Dcm210 19
Find a new roommate.
maximumDERP 6
start clapping one hand. when she asks wtf that is, say its the sound of a sammich not being in my hand
jl_word 10
Tell her to shut up and so her womanly duties... To make sammiches!
rrred68 8
Could somebody explain to me how saying the phrase "make a sandwich" is sexist?? Is it because of "wich"??
Alicestraza 33
"Make a sandwich" isn't but "make me a sandwich" is often used by sexist guys who believe women belong in the kitchen cooking for their men.
rrred68 8
Ahh, I see. Thank you.
Ziggy122 15
And yet the word "****" is perfectly acceptable to her. Something doesn't add up here.
Axel5238 29
Ah gotta love the kids that ran that barely funny joke into the ground. She's probably heard it to death and is 'bout ready to throw a lamp at the next person that says it. I'm guessing if she's that pissed off about it she's also heard you somehow do it to death so just don't do it.
AngryD 9
then play the role your being accused of and ask them if they want Irish sunglasses while your in a wifebeater and having a beer and shown them what discrimination is
awkwardloveannie 28
OP: "today I had to make a sandwich for an elderly squirrel living in the tree outside our home" OPs roommate :stop being a sexist **** I hate people telling others to make a sandwich ... etc
yellowaholic 25
All I can picture in my head is "And then I made myself a sandwich..." You sexist piece of shit Like what?
Cheez_Mastah 10
So she gets angry as a feminist and responds with a misogynistic slur? Uh huh, she'll be a keeper someday.