Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML
Today, if I don't do work around the house, my girlfriend will call me a lazy pig and yell at me. If I do, she will yell because I didn't do it the right way. If I ask her to clarify the right way, she will call me a dumbass, give useless instructions, and work herself up into yelling at me. FML
Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML
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Top comments
jwrin373 7
Just tell her "that's cute now GO MAKE A ******* SANDWICH "
CanadiAnM8 24
You should tell her to stop yelling as it is annoying you and to stop arguing with your god damn opinon.
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Comments (124)
perdix 31
Start pronouncing it "sammich" just to piss her off more!
mduerden 18
Describing your day?
NotoriousLES 14
Have to agree with all the posts saying to stop apologizing. Why the hell would you let anyone call you a **** for any reason, much less end up giving the apology? I had to say you deserved it for allowing her to treat you that way ...almost encouraging it in fact.
October3461 12
Hahaha every time my bf tells me to make him a sandwich I just tell him if I'm still able to walk you didn't do a good enough job to deserve one hahaha
BlueRainDude 11
"And then I thought that I should make a sandwich because I was hungry" Roommate: "WHOA WHOA. What did you just say asshole?!"
larryb1986 9
Tell her to shut the **** up and go make you a damn sandwich
evilamoebaattack 20
i just hope you don't work at subway.
worldclassrager 41
I put together a (insert content here) between two slices of bread...see how that goes...
maximus_prime 24
What is your roommate going to be like on steak & ******** Wednesday then OP?
giraffelovergirl 19
I can understand being offended when someone says it in a sexist way but telling a boy to make you a sandwich isn't sexist at all.