Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML
Today, if I don't do work around the house, my girlfriend will call me a lazy pig and yell at me. If I do, she will yell because I didn't do it the right way. If I ask her to clarify the right way, she will call me a dumbass, give useless instructions, and work herself up into yelling at me. FML
Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML
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Top comments
jwrin373 7
Just tell her "that's cute now GO MAKE A ******* SANDWICH "
CanadiAnM8 24
You should tell her to stop yelling as it is annoying you and to stop arguing with your god damn opinon.
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Comments (124)
Jaaared_ 15
Dang feminists.
Jaaared_ 15
3, I didn't know what to say actually.
CaiDog 20
I think you still don't know what to say.
subiedude08 17
Waste of a 1st comment
wallandpiece 16
I wonder if you know what a feminist is..
Emma Marshall_738558922 12
Moron, not a feminist 💁🏼
CanadiAnM8 24
You should tell her to stop yelling as it is annoying you and to stop arguing with your god damn opinon.
ThePK 5
What I'm confused about is that OP is a girl... Voicing an opinion to someone who would possibly have that same struggle. Sense totally made.
AKGirlinSD 20
OP's roommate is a bit angry. Sorry you have to deal with her, OP! It is a huge pet peeve of mine that when women think nearly every comment, from a man or woman, is sexist. OP, I wish you the best at finding a better living arrangement.
jwrin373 7
Just tell her "that's cute now GO MAKE A ******* SANDWICH "
yellowaholic 25
And then he gets slapped..
SystemofaBlink41 27
Didn't know OP got a sex change...
martin8337 36
OP, you might wanna move out or find a new roommate.
Icemist 6
that bites. time to start looking for a new living arrangement.
annie_nk 23
Stop apologizing! There is no valid reason why you should! Your roommate is the **** and needs to get the **** over it. It's just a word!
golden_warrior 23
Damn straight, I would just provoke the bitch by using the word every other sentence.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Yeah that's pretty damn stupid. Hold your ground, OP. Either start intentionally pissing her off so she moves, or ignore her. I don't understand how you're being a "sexist ****" when you are also a woman. Are you telling yourself to make a sandwich? If so, make sure it's smoked turkey, can't go wrong with a smoked turkey sandwich!
starile 20
Or the "Ultimate PB&J" with peanut butter and jelly, marshmallows, rolled in crushed Frosted Flakes cereal. 5 year old's dream!
jenn1808 16
@51, women can totally be sexist, it's called internalize misogyny. Feminism is about letting women make their own choices, so a person of any gender that tries to tell you how women "should" behave is being sexist. But OP doesn't sound like a sexist - she's allowed today "I'm hungry, I'm going to make a sandwich."
negb 30
53 - Damn, that would sound good to a younger version of me but now...ugh.
SirMichael 13
@75, It still sounds good to me.
Catkam623 27
Now I want a sandwhich
golden_warrior 23
While you are at it, make me one too. :)
threer 30
HE SAID THE "S" WORD!
isuckok 11
WE MUST MAKE HIM PAY
flockz 20
this ain't ******* subway.
j_cat187 20
We will make him pay out the ass.... with a pineapple.
xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18
"Sexist ****" :P
Melix 31
She's one of the reasons why everyone hates feminists ;__;
GraceMarieC 13
Which sucks cause most feminists aren't even close to being like this. Damn radicals! ;(
miaoucore 13
not all feminists are like this. theyre just ones that make the others look bad
threer 30
Being feminist is different from being a psycho radical feminist. ;) Wanting equality isn't bad, is it?
wallandpiece 16
The roommate isn't a feminist, she's just an idiot.
Vix_Sparda 11
you think? XD
ball_crusher 4
uh no. that would be patriarchy. tell me more about how false allegations of rape (literally less than 2 percent of all cases) are the reason people don't believe rape victims. lazy asses.
Dr_Awesome654 24
You ******* idiot...
KayleighS14 8
I make awesome sandwiches.
maximumDERP 6
so does your mom...
goldenturtlez 7
Fml, better than Craigslist
Cazz91 21
Tell your roommate to put on her big girl panties and get the **** over her ridiculous attitude. Just because you suggest someone to make a sandwich to eat does not automatically make that person sexist. You're only sexist if you meant it in a sexist way.