Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Too little, too late
Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML
Yeet it
Today, I finally had my doctor's appointment to get my tubes tied. I've been waiting for 2 years. Instead, I found out that my birth control failed and I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML
Planned parenthood
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Safety first
Today, I found out that morning after pills don't work if you're already ovulating. I also found out that I might become a father wayyyy sooner than expected. FML
Malpractice
Today, I found out that I have unnecessarily been using birth control for the past 10 years. A surgery I had following a complication with my first child apparently rendered me infertile, and none of the doctors bothered to enlighten me. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML
Surprise!
Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML
I'm too old for this stuff (or so I thought)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I'm 53 and I have four grown children and grandchildren. FML
Top comments
gc327072 31
And you didn't have sense enough to use ANYTHING up until now? YDI.
sarah6786 14
Too late . Congrats!
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Comments (228)
sarah6786 14
Too late . Congrats!
Sexy_Kisses14 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sorry OP :(
Feared 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If OP is younger than 20 then I feel sorry for her.
Kn0wledge123 21
I don't. Everyone past the 6th grade knows the birds and the bees. If she wasn't ready to have a child, she shouldn't be having sex unprotected. She deserved this one.
_Oblivion_ 12
93 age doesn't matter. No glove, no love
habibiiiiiii 2
Yeah op should have known better than just to keep hoping she wouldn't get pregnant or worse, get and STD or STI.
PlaidPanda 9
The worst STI is pregnancy... (if unplanned)
Kn0wledge123 21
^ You fail.
therealafroninga 10
Hey guys, ain't nothin a coat hangar can't fix.
_Oblivion_ 12
158 You don't have the slightest **** what an STI is do you?
therealafroninga 10
Ain't nothing an old coat hanger can't fix. ;)
therealafroninga 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Aids is still the deadliest catch-Tosh
Kn0wledge123 21
^ Fail x2 smh
sarah6786 14
Lmao 'the slightest ****'
gc327072 31
And you didn't have sense enough to use ANYTHING up until now? YDI.
theannak 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You do realize that she didn't say whether she did or not? And if she did, obviously it doesn't always work.
angel_of_death55 7
True
Naomimi_fml 6
She could have been using condoms, which could still break or not work.
gc327072 31
But read the FML. "Yesterday, I came to my senses.." as if she had been going at it before, but without protection. If you're going to have sex outside of marriage, at least be smart enough to use protection. (aimed at #5)
iwadasn 33
5, she said she "started" to use birth control, which means she wasn't before.
PlaidPanda 9
Any form of protection is considered birth control, including condoms, spermicides, sponges, etc. "birth control" is not limited to oral contraceptives, so based on the fml she was not using -any- form of protection. Wow.
MissMess 12
Thanks for the pointless biology lesson 42, no one cares when she got pregnant. Just that she was stupid enough to not use protection when she clearly didn't want a pregnancy.
dominic1221 6
14- Right, because being married would make any difference whatsoever. Hail Mary, right?
xcheshirecat 11
since she said she started yesterday, no I doubt she took any before
gc327072 31
50- umm yea, it would make a difference, because once you get married you're likely TRYING to have kids. I'm not being a religious zealot, I'm just saying that you most likely don't want to have kids with someone you aren't married to.
gc327072 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
50- Or are you just one of those Atheists that constantly needs to dog on us theists. How dare we believe! Whatever makes you feel cool, I guess.
Shrike 24
Hey, that holier-than-thou "no sex before marriage" spiel, you actually think only married couples try for babies? Really? That's the dumbest comment I've read all week. And not to be a dick, but since you brought it up: pretty much nobody cares that you're religious. We just don't care, you're not so special that people want to persecute you, okay?
weatherxveins 29
Not everyone who is married is trying to have kids. And there are some people I know who are happily in a LTR with kids but aren't married for one reason or another.
SuxForUButtmunch 2
62- Well, a lot of people use the term birth control just to refer to the oral contraceptives and pills and such. OP could have been using condoms and might be saying that she made the realization that the pill might be better to use than what she was using. Oh and there are plenty of adults who aren't married who have children for many reasons, having kids on purpose isn't strictly for those eternally bonded. Don't go around assuming things, stereotyping and calling people out like that.
pwiincezz 7
I totally agree with you. Although a lot of people still have kids before marriage with guys they aren't going to stay with so the children suffer in the long run because not all men want to keep in touch with their own kids!
Shrike 24
83, What a disgusting stereotype, both vaguely sexist and reeking of bigotry. I guess nobody told you that there's something called "divorce" that married people can do to "dump" their partners, hey? It must be dry and lonely living under that rock.
OhDearBetrayal 25
While there are great parents out there having kids outside of marriage, it doesn't mean that waiting to have kids until marriage is any less important. The reason why people believe in having kids after marriage is because marriage is a commitment. There are people out there that divorce, obviously, but there are also people out there that actually see marriage as an important milestone. Divorce statistics rates aren't exactly backing me up but that's not to demean marriage. Kids like to see their parents together because it gives them security. Again though, there are amazing parents out there that are not married also.
gc327072 31
70- I'm not saying they TRY for babies, I'm just saying that once people are married, then they usually don't use protection. (Unless they don't want kids, but based on data it would seem most do) And I'm not trying to throw my faith out there like some fundie kid, I'm just saying that dominic's comment was rude, and makes him seem like one of those Atheists that feels the need to provoke theists for no reason and cause unnecessary flame wars. Ok? I'm not saying anybody has to do anything, I'm just saying, "if you're gonna have sex with someone you don't love/want to deal with for the rest of your life due to having a kid with them, the least you can do is use protection."
gc327072 31
My parents are divorced, you fucktard. Ehh, arguing over the Internet. What a waste of time and battery life. Besides, it's a bf3 double xp weekend! You can go ahead and say whatever, I'm going have some fun! :D
Shrike 24
Fair enough, and I agree with your point. Though you can see how reading "sex before marriage" in a comment can make someone get the wrong idea. You don't have to be an atheist, or even non-religious at all, to have objections to what SEEMS like a judgemental comment. Edit: Well okay, your second comment just makes you look like an asshole.
boofgall 16
42- That is SO not true. My god, sex ED will tell you anything these days.
gc327072 31
Shrike- lol. Well that was interesting (my first flame war!! :D) but I vote to draw this session to a close. Fair enough? *offers hand to shake*
xNephilim 19
Yeah, marriage kinda does make a difference. I'm all for couples not getting married if that's what floats their boat, but the thing about marriage is the commitment and financial stability. You're more likely to be able to support a kid if you're married. Also, marriage kind of makes it a little bit harder for the baby daddy to just bail out.
FML_Master2133 6
50 - yes, because then there wouldn't be a problem with getting pregnant.
icametodance 3
Suggesting that someone wait until marriage for sex makes them judgmental?
gc327072 31
134- so it would seem :-/
truth_spitta 0
I agree with every comment you made GC, with the exception that if you're going to present yourself as a theist (from one to another) don't come off as a jerk, nobody wants to listen to one.
laurennnlovelyyy 4
115 - So does that mean an unmarried couple are not financially stable and aren't committed? Damn, I should probably marry my long term boyfriend so I can get rich and know he's not going to cheat on me.
mduffy08 8
177 - A boyfriend is completely different then a husband. Have you considered even getting married? I mean if your going to be in a commitment for the REST OF YOUR LIFE, why not get married? By the way, did you know marriage gets you benefits? : /
SenselessPattern 12
Read 50's comment objectively. To me, that last sentence was incredibly rude and had 0 relevance to "don't have sex before marriage". I'm pretty fringe theist, and even that irritated me. His comment would have been perfectly fine without that last line of intolerant bullshit.
footballer6190 12
83- don't say it's the male's fault for not always being there. My ex got pregnant by me and she left me. Do I want to be apart of my sons life HELL YES I do, but guess what she left me wont talk to me or anything and trust me it kills everyday. Stop being sexist and realize that women also cause problems.
the_true_batman 10
#196 You mean "a part", "apart" means the opposite. At first I thought you were a terrible person. "Do I want to be apart of my sons life HELL YES I do" I was thinking, he seems to really want to be apart from his son's life, how awful a thing to say? Then I realized you meant "a part". Grammar is important.
coried91 28
181- some people don't want to get married because then the government can play a bigger role in your life. And who gives a shit. It's a piece of paper saying you love each other and you'll be faithful. If you love someone and they love you That's all that matters. I'm married but I'm all for those who don't want to for some reason or another. Don't be single minded.
xNephilim 19
I'm not saying that you can't be committed or rich while not being married. There's plenty of people to prove that's not true. BUT there also is a reason people get married (other than love). I'm just saying that if you have a child ad you are already in a committed relationship that you believe will last forever, you might as well get married. It makes things easier.
silverstream20 20
What is being a theist or atheist for that matter got anything to do with the FML? Can you explain this to me?
ams484 5
^this would apply to my husband and I. We're not comfortable with the idea of being responsible for another human's life, so we're not having kids- even though some people expect us to. They're not the ones that have to raise the kid.
footballer6190 12
208- Yes, sorry I am extremely tired.
Popcornography 10
Well, this is going to get a lot of YDI.
gc327072 31
This might be the new biggest flop fml ever. Brace yourselves.
Pleonasm 36
I don't remember the last time I saw one just so blatantly stupid; so you didn't want to get pregnant and eventually used protection, but only after going at it long enough to get pregnant. What were you expecting, sympathy, OP? Nah, you got a baby instead.
TheMathMajor 26
Going at it long enough? It only takes one time to get pregnant.
gc327072 31
52- it only takes one successful sperm/egg bonding to get pregnant. That doesn't always happen.
TheMathMajor 26
Yeah, but that only potentially takes one time... My point is she should have used birth control from the very beginning.
gc327072 31
57- yea, I agree. The YDI is strong in this one.
sourgirl101 29
52, I don't understand why you're getting thumbed down. It does only take one time to get pregnant. My mother-in-law became pregnant with my husband the very first time she ever had sex. Need less to say, that day she became a single parent. Birth control is key and being picky about the guys you have sex with is also important because birth control can fail.
Pleonasm 36
118- Some people have trouble conceiving, although that doesn't mean I agree that 52 should be thumbed down. I only put "going at it long enough to get pregnant," because not everyone gets preganant on the first try and I wanted to be accurate. Hope that clears it up a little.
gc327072 31
118- and yet when I tried to point this out in the replies to my comment I got called a religious bigot.. *facepalm*
Pleonasm 36
Don't bring the flamewar here too, 124 :/ And I just noticed, 118, did you really mean that your mother in law became pregnant with your husband? or am I missing something/not thinking clearly??
laden_swallow09 35
Arguing that point doesn't make it accurate, the argument becomes trivial because of semantics.
TheMathMajor 26
It happens a lot. I have a friend who got pregnant at 16 after only having sex twice. She used a condom both times, but the second time it broke. That shows how important it is to even double up on birth control if you can. I take the pill and use condoms in case one fails. Anyways, my friend did tell her parents that she was thinking about having sex and they only told her it was a sin and not to do it. If they had put her on the pill or at least talked with her more about it, they could have postponed becoming grandparents for a while. Abstinence only education is not helpful, parents need to talk to their teens about this stuff.
TheMathMajor 26
127, she means her mother-in-law got pregnant and had a son who later became her husband.
Pleonasm 36
Ohh, yea that was stupid on my part not to think of it that way. My bad. Thanks for the help!
sourgirl101 29
135, thank you. 137, silly! :P
Prodigy7 4
127, her mother in law=her husbands biological mom. So, her husband was conceived the first time his mother had sex.
juicyfresh 7
she means her mother in law became pregnant, her baby grew up and ended up marrying the poster and thus became her husband
drkate25 30
Better late than... Nevermind.
gc327072 31
"My mama always said, stupid is as stupid does." ~Forrest Gump
Pleonasm 36
I've heard of getting your brains ****** out of you, but never getting ****** until you come to your senses
Nutz101 7
You should have been using birth control if you didn't want a kid.
Pleonasm 36
FINISH HER! ... NATALITY
icametodance 3
You don't say?
DjeePee 25
Pff, you would be shocked if you know how many people don't want children, but are too lazy/stupid to use contraception because they just don't think they'll get pregnant. And then they do and they're all: "How did that happen? FML". I feel so sorry for the children who are created that way. I mean, kids should come in a family when both parents are ready for and desperately want them. Not because their mother is stupid. I hope that OP is willing to sacrifice her next twenty years to give the kid a secure and loving home, otherwise she should better go for the abortion/adoption.
BubbleGrunge 18
165 I generally agree with your sentiment but many children grow up perfectly fine with just a single parent. Today, children need LOVE but that doesn't have to mean the nuclear family either. I get you weren't downing single parents, but they're some awesome single patents around! And some not so amazing mother/father combinations! Also, it takes two to make a baby. The mother may have been stupid enough to not use birth control, but that doesn't make her a dumb mother. Also, the babies father could have protected himself as well, so it's not just "the stupid mothers" fault.
TG_Wolf 1
I'm sure you'll soon be able to appreciate the irony.
coop7291 3
try using a wire clothes hanger
Popcornography 10
You disgust me.
P374RD3D 9
That doesn't work. All it does is tear the ****** to shreds.
gmc_blossom 21
8- ...what?
AyumiEmdez 4
Sick bastard!
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Yeah, even as a joke, that's not at all funny. If the OP wants an abortion, she has that option the safe and legal way.
littlesister67 0
You asshole!
coop7291 3
No sick sense of humor eh? Tough crowd
hopsinlove17 26
It wasn't funny...
speckledots 29
WTF is wrong with you?!?
SammyS2012 21
Abortion isn't even that safe for the mother 27; there could be complication that arise and can cause scarring in her vaginal walls.
katttt21 20
Oh
supportcommand 17
Ahh the home abortion kit. Effective but 19 is correct. I hear a bat works better. And 73- where did you get that 8 is a cross dresser??
Teyros 24
Well at least now it can't get any worse.. Now you can have fun without using anything!
outoftown 27
#9, Wrong. Ever hear of STDs/STIs?
Kyle225 3
Why didn't you use birth control before?
Voldy_fml 16
Because she didn't come to her senses.
DomDomxoxo 16
There must be something wrong with OP. Especially since you're supposed to start birth control on the first day of your period. If she's pregnant today, then yesterday wasn't the first day of her period.
sourgirl101 29
What if the birth control the OP is speaking about are condoms (also a form of birth control) and not the birth control pill?
DomDomxoxo 16
You are absolutely right. I didn't think about that...
raraisbang 12
This is absolutely a YDI. I hope you don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you.
DrizzyJ 0
You're beautiful. Felt obligated to say that. :)
outoftown 27
#12 - I absolutely feel sorry for OP. YDI or not, she conceived when she did not want a child. Who knows what STIs and destructive substances OP and the embryo were exposed to. Luckily, there are pills to reset OP's uterus so she can delay childbearing until she is ready and willing