Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the second grade. FML

Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer

Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

Where is it??

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML