Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the second grade. FML
Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML
Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML
Today, I was the ring bearer at a wedding, something I'd been nervous about being ever since the groom asked me. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped over nothing and the ring flew from the little silk pillow and rolled into a nearby pond. FML
Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML
Today, my husband went on a boys' night but I found his wedding ring on the nightstand so I confronted him when he got home. He was wearing his ring. What I had was a brass olive ring for plumbing so now I look like a jealous idiot. FML
Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML
Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML
Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
**** rings - the toddler edition.
person961 9
That really must have pissed you off. Hope you got the ring off at least.
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Comments (167)
SkoomaKi 28
**** rings - the toddler edition.
Cairo_Sanchez 8
Ahhhhhh the joys of parenthood!
Inheritance 10
Use the old water and soap trick.! But avoid being peed on.
patrickalamo 48
Hopefully your not Italian or you may have to kiss the ring
GypsyRover 0
Concerning this Fml an the one before it, maybe rings should be placed there,and it is proof that rings don't plug holes!!!
enormouselephant 15
Not so sure how happy I'd be to put that ring back on..
JiggaJayZ 16
Threadjackers make me sad. :(
onlychildFTW 34
I'm sure it's no big deal for OP. It's her son who's 3. She's probably touched her sobs penis lots with diaper changes and stuff. It'd be different if he was older. But at that age it wouldn't be that big a deal.
burro_fml 6
How did a grammar nazi miss this one!
gc327072 31
75- people who complain about threadjackers make me angry.
MisterEx 28
91- if her son was older and still managed to fit the ring around his penis, I'd be really, really sad.
LiterOfCola 16
Hahaha 32: you think OP should soap up the 3 year old's dick and slide the ring off?
drewcat21 0
Talk about an awkward visit to the emergency room.(if you had to go of course)
pabst4america 1
People act like anything that touches a dick is informed forever and can't be cleaned (as if it got dirty). It's skin, it ain't any different than touching any other part of your body. It's the same thing as if it touched the kids arm. Now STD's are a whole different story....
christyxbee 15
What have you been doing in front of that poor child for him to think something went on his penis at that young of an age?!
kay71095 9
At least he didn't swallow it...
Jdlove2 20
Kids these days...
person961 9
That really must have pissed you off. Hope you got the ring off at least.
IAmJad 18
I pee what you did there.
Welshite 40
#41: Oh, urine trouble now...
WritingWrongs 8
Well, it could have been worse... He could have swallowed it.
gc327072 31
Better to be pissed off then... oh shoot never mind.
guy24 9
Cum on... Why do people always do these kinds of jokes? :P
IAmJad 18
Come on people! Mine was genuinely funny!
SMD_emilyy 1
He could have shoved it up his ass.
Val0 17
Booooo???
namyo 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sexy (Sarcasm)
MisterMichael 9
Sarcasm never works on the Internet..
Awsumuzzie 12
It must have taken you minutes upon minutes, endless minutes, until you've come up with such an amazingly complex comment! That was a spectacular comment to read, 3! That's sarcasm... Not what you just did.
enormouselephant 15
If the sarcasm's good you don't need to write it underneath.
walmartpaysme 15
Even though it was sarcasm, I still find the comment 100% inappropriate. Sarcasm or not you are still talking about a little kid.
Accuraxy 10
That's quite disgusting, sarcasm or not.
Mikey070590 5
Idiot
missmcg 4
i smell a pedobear
llamafish 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Would you rather he ejaculated on you?
queen_awks 16
She would probably rather he hadn't released any bodily fluids onto her....
iTsbSkuLLy 8
Impossible anyways.
mayyberry 4
Uh he's three
hannnahmarie 14
You are obviously way to young to understand how that works. The kid is three years old. Go take a health class to understand.
brandi_callie 5
He's three! You pervert.
DictatorDom 5
I'm a guy, so I can tell you that if a three year old has hit puberty and can ejaculate then he has some sort of disease
Welshite 40
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
There has been 5-year-old mothers before. It's not quite beyond belief that young male children can produce sperm.
dinorider_fml 4
Actually the youngest parents were 8 and 9
ExplodingToaster 6
You are sick
Welshite 40
#54: Yes, you are correct. The youngest pair of PARENTS were eight and nine. However, the youngest MOTHER was five. Her name was Lina Medina. The more you know...
dinorider_fml 4
Oh, how do you know so much about parents under the age of 10?
Welshite 40
Google is my friend
tippy_pink89 2
She was five and had a rare condition called precocious puberty. She was also raped by her father. It's completely different.
Crankenstein_92 4
toddler troll.
CetaBabe 17
How the.... I don't even.... What?!?! I want to know where the kid got that idea from! What on earth has he seen/heard to want to try that? But yeah, sorry OP, that must've been horrible to see and resolve...
vladimirjames 5
It's cuz daddy left his **** out :p
jmayes414 5
Toddlers are curious creatures. Probably was as simple as that.
junkman6 22
You would be amazed what toddlers decide to do with their penis without ever seeing anything to give them an idea. A lot of nephews and cousins and trips to ER.
ur2nvthis85 3
Makes sense. Ring. Phallic object. 0+1=1. Unfortunately, he found this the hard way. Also, children are sexual but understand it in a different way than adults; therefore, a lot of times adults attach meanings that only make sense in an adult world. However, if a child does understand sex in a way closer to that of an adult, that's when I would question exposure.
THswagPLAYA 1
it's a natural thing for toddlers to be interested in their ding dongs, it is a psychological thing really.
fistnazal 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He was just trying to copy your "man friend." that is why you had you're wedding ring off in the first place right?
ammarieh 4
Women take their rings off for a variety of reasons. I take mine off when I take a shower, do the dishes, etc. it doesn't make you a bad person or a cheater.
hellya14 0
It was a joke
deadlydeadd 2
Your*
fistnazal 10
Mm yup. It most def. was a joke. Hi down there :)
aimeesea75 16
It may have been a joke but it was not a funny one.
sexyaniknowit 7
At least now you know to keep any ring like circular object away from him. This may include donuts, bagels, keychains, etc.
Rancor 5
He must be as hung as a baby horse to fit snuggly into a donut or bagel.
jdime209 2
Lol
lebronesque73091 12
^this comment made me crack up XD
pregnantpianist 2
Why would he even have thought to put it on there?!?!
gc327072 31
He looked down, saw his penis, and he liked it so he put a ring on it.
pattycmom 12
If you are truly pregnant, you are in for a rude awakening when you have your child. Children do random stuff all the time.
TahoeFMler 22
I swear if I got rid of all my sons toys, he'd be ok because he has his penis to play with!
iTsbSkuLLy 8
Kids today huh? My little brother managed to get 3 discs is my ps3 at once a couple months ago.
michael666 7
I would nock my lil brother out, I don't let anyone touch my xbox 360, Ive had it for about 4-5 years still works suprisingly.
alexhaz64 4
Given the context of the FML, I thought you were saying something completely different about those CDs. Not a pleasant thought...