Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML
Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
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Top comments
MtnDew32 0
A tick on your dick? Ew, that's sick.
IceeCreamm 7
wow maybe having a bigger penis is not that bad?
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Comments (505)
emodude44 0
Twice the size? Lol!
Mrrevorp 0
you're complaining about having a bigger dick??? lmao
shepoopi 0
one time a horsefly bit the back of my head which left a huge bump there, so I was like "I guess that fly gave me head"
Ukeee_X 19
Now, go earn that stud title you've always dreamt of!
guitar_god7007 3
the magical tick. makes your dick noticeable.
dmoantwan 0
*reads this fml, **thoroughly inspects penis.. finds nothing.. ***lmao at you!
sweetness17 7
what does dmoantwan mean?
Laura1804 2
you have Lyme disease you need to be put on some meds. I'm not joking at all!!!!
slkdw 1
you don't automatically get Lyme disease from a tick, it's just a possibility.
purrfume 0
if it swells up and you have the typical bulls-eye rash, then YES YOU DO!
meggieh815 0
he went to the hospital. it'll be alright. take a deep breath.
schmelia 10
In most cases there is a tell-tale bulls-eye rash, but not always. Anyway, he's in hospital - no doubt Lyme is one of various things they'd test for, so you can stop stressing Laura1804.
DannyRitz 3
sure sounds like you won the war to OP
babycakess10 0
hahaha!! hilarious.
TuesdaySpades 0
what these darling muntjac don't understand is that it's probably infected and hurting. I feel extremely sorry for you. I wouldn't want an infected penis near me. big or not.