Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML
Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
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Top comments
MtnDew32 0
A tick on your dick? Ew, that's sick.
IceeCreamm 7
wow maybe having a bigger penis is not that bad?
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Comments (505)
kaylamarie19 0
could have just crawled up his pant leg while he was walking through the woods :)
ElZamo 0
that's what happens if you hadn't taken a bath for at least five days. If that was the case, then YDI, if not, poor you : (
slkdw 1
you really think that a tick just appears stuck on your penis sucking your blood because you haven't showered? lol I'm guessing you think bacteria cultivates and forms a blood sucking bug in 5 days. why don't you read other peoples comments that were the same as yours and all the replies which indicate that you are all a bunch of morons?
J_Shorty_17 6
lol next time, learn how to remove a tick.
mariama112 4
Well that tick must've gotten a good lick on your dick .
pinkspaceboundro 0
I don't really see how this can happen on your junk? I mean you go to the bathroom routinely, how do you not notice that sooner? can't you get lime disease from this or something?
SteelCladAngel 0
op was walking in woods/tall grass op goes home and pees notices tickdick ops dog is in his bed op kicks dog out of bed and lay down to sleep tick crawls on dick op wakes up in am and goes pee notices tick.... op is on beach tick crawls on dick op goes inside to pee, notices tickdick many many scenarios could have come into place here
pinkspaceboundro 0
he specifically said after a long battle. if you ever had a tick on you- they bite you and latch on- if you catch them in time their not that hard to get off, so I'm assuming it latched on and probably started to borrow in the skin- especially since he went to the hospital bc of it later- meaning it's been there for awhile.
Bandnerd1 2
that's not true, my dog has gotten a tic on her stomach after a few hours outside it was hard to get off and maybe he was allergic or somethin
hollylollyxoxo 0
looks like you can cancel your viagra prescription now =P
ryrywakaka 0
while he should cancel his Viagra, you should order some weight loss pills and lay off the burgers
moparallday 0
totally agree ryrywakaka
schmelia 10
Her body is none of your business. She has the right - just like you - to walk around (or post on FML) without fear of being judged or ridiculed because of the way she looks or acts. Your comment was totally uncalled for, and the only reason you've got the guts to say something so harsh is because you can hide behind your computer screen. Keep your shit to yourself.
kayennkay 0
thats ****** up
dabbers23 0
shut it fat ass
ballesteros1992 0
should enjoy the extra power while it lasts
steelersfan3250 0
that doesnt make any fkin sense dude
Pigpen181 3
You may have discovered the secret, to Male Enhancement
makemecum 1
Your gf will be happy =3