Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML
Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
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Top comments
MtnDew32 0
A tick on your dick? Ew, that's sick.
IceeCreamm 7
wow maybe having a bigger penis is not that bad?
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Comments (505)
rexdog7 5
yea instead of going to the hospital head over to your girlfriends house!
DReamBig24 0
maybe you were doing something you shouldn't have that ended up with it getting there....
atcontroller22 0
why does everyone assume the because his dick is 2X bigger that it's big? Maybe it's just slightly less small, and that would be a FML.
Brownstonius 0
A tick on the tip of your dick? what a sick trick for the tick to pick YOUR dick! shit! If it were me I would have flipped if a tick were on my dick and I had to pick it from the tip of my dick then flick that shit quick! But, a big dick from where you were bit by a tiny tick is kinda the shit! How does one get a tick on his dick? unless of course you're a hick living in the sticks amongst the thicket and shit. that would explain getting bit on the tip of the dick and then being a whiny little tit about getting a bigger dick from a tiny little tick.
sweetness17 7
it rhymes:)
Liddo_Me_12 0
lol thts a good rhyme
Ub3rshadow 3
tl;dr
mamoila 0
we got a regular dr Seuss here
someone3225 2
everyone knows that means it got infected right?
aardvarkish 17
Nope. Just you.
FreebirdIII 1
Sounds like to got a boner thinking of getting you dick sucked.
GeneralLeeAdyck 0
Were you jerking off under a pine tree?
felah17 6
Where can I find me one of those creatures to put it on my member??? I don't wanna buy extenze...
hammerfall26 6
where can I find a tick!
blakesaurus 0
i would have just gone to the hospital first. **** embarrassment. there is a tick on your penis.