Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML
Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML
Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML
Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
So basically you have a pet gorilla roaming around your house.
iLazy 0
Accidentally wax his back.
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Comments (98)
iLazy 0
Accidentally wax his back.
sxe_beast 11
Accidentally cut his fat off with a machete.
ritbbehindu 0
"accidentally" wax his back*
catrav77 0
Accidentally slap him in the face. "There was a bug, I swear!"
seenyou 3
14- are you blind ?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Accidentally lock the doors and don't hear his cries so he looses them pounds.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Chain that beast to a treadmill.
JohannMedina 0
Tell him to put on a shirt or GTFO.
princessRiRi97 0
Chase him around with a knife im sure he will drop a few pounds
FarSide 23
I didn't know a person could write 1 fml with so many subjects. 1) job 2) boxers 3) tan 4) belly 5) back You think you could have added any more irrelevant information OP???
whybother8 0
then dont look lol.
agummere796 0
yikes, I bet you can't wait for that to start peeling
cupcakexxrawr 0
lol so gross yuk
iAmScrubs 19
So basically you have a pet gorilla roaming around your house.
iLazy 0
OP can now say "A wild Snorlax appeared!"
alex6946 10
lol pet gorilla! :D
Monii_Harlz 11
haha LOVE IT! :D
CryMoreFMLs 15
Dude, you are one of my FML idols! You're so funny!
noobienick 19
I've always wanted a gorilla!
borkchop1992 15
what a sexy man you should shave his back for him
kendallhi 9
Ewwww… unwanted image
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
I'm just wondering what exactly your mother sees in him...
grumpybarista 0
ikr. Obviously he's a philandering, wife-beating asshole. How could you not be with a hairy back like that?
alex6946 10
she likes his new tan, duh. ;)
rebekahah 7
yes, because all guys with big bellies and hairy backs are disgusting, ferocious ogres. We all just laugh at the thought that maybe he has a heart. :/
KaskStunter 4
Maybe because he is a real man and not a hairless kid. Besides, she already has kids, no need for one more.
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
hmm, I guess I didn't really think this one through.. huh? :)
BigMacBoi 3
Well I totally agree it's not like your only 14 and know shit about love !
jennamarbles17 9
Maybe she isn't in a relationship with him because she likes the way he looks. Maybe she actually sees that his personality is amazing and they are compatible. And maybe she isn't a judgmental b*tch like you.
rebekahah 7
but don't lie, you know you like it :3
YacL 15
He's a keeper. If you don't like it, you can always shut yourself up in your room.
ColorfulDonut 7
Your mum has no taste.
Zombieslayer1 0
Sexy. I bet that's what Justin Beiber is gonna look like when he gets older.
cgchamp89 7
Bieber's balls haven't even dropped yet. I don't see him having a hairy back any time soon...
Monii_Harlz 11
maybe by the time bieber hits 50 he'll get lucky :)
lulututu 4
19 bieber doesn't have balls at all silly:)
skyeyez9 25
Doubt Bieber will be capable of growing hair anywhere no matter his age. Gotta have balls for that.